Tuesday, July 21, 2009

WALKING Through the Valley

Hi, Friends,

Two more days and this round of chemo is over. Yahoo! It's been a long month. I was doing quite well (just normal, to-be-expected side effects) until last week when our family went camping and fishing at Mosquito Lake. It's such a beautiful setting just past Lake Alpine, at 8050 feet. About the third day into our trip, though, the altitude got to me, and I had a hard time getting enough air, zapping me of any energy as well. Fortunately, Matt's parents were with us and my mother-in-law had her inhaler with her. That helped get me through the next day and a half until we headed home. I have noticed that I am tired A LOT lately. Perhaps the answer is in the additional blood test I had during my last visit at UCSF. It showed that two additional markers of my thyroid came back within normal range, but that my thyroid stimulating hormone is still abnormally low, which suggests that my thyroid is failing, but my body is trying its hardest to compensate for that. This can continue for awhile, but eventually I will probably need to go on thyroid replacement therapy. I've been assured by family members who are on replacement therapy already, and by the doctors, that this is nothing to worry about. However, it will be just one more pill to add to my already almost-bursting pink pill case!

Not long ago I read a fun book called Sisterchicks in Wooden Shoes. In it, a gal gets a call from her doctor that she has had an abnormal mammogram and needs a biopsy. Before she does anything, she gets on a plane to go visit her penpal of 40 years, in Holland. While she is there, many hilarious things happen, but she also has some profound moments as she deals with what may come in her life. One of these moments she finds in the 23rd Psalm. As she is reading it, her friend notices that it says "Even though I WALK through the valley of the shadow of death." That's different from stopping in the valley or sitting down under the shadow of death and just giving up. We don't stop and get stuck in the dark places.

I took the first step into that valley when the doctor called and told me I had cancer. While I do have moments I fear evil, I know that God is with me. His rod and staff are there to comfort me. The shepherd's rod was used for discipline and the staff for rescue. So what represents His rod and staff in my life? Well, many of you are the tools of the Great Shepherd in my life, keeping me close to Him, and encouraging and admonishing me with verses and words of wisdom. Oh, there are so many times I feel so helpless as I go on this journey, but God is taking care of me so wonderfully in this valley. I wonder why that is such an unexpected discovery...

Thank you all, my rods and staffs, for your prayers, and being tools for the Father in my life.

Danene
July 21, 2009

Friday, June 26, 2009

My Portion

Dear Friends,

I have to tell you that through my experience with cancer there have been many times that I have been tempted to throw a pity party and invite fear, worry, and dread. It's hard to stay positive and dwell on all the good that happens in my life in the midst of the not-so-fun. I had that temptation after meeting with Dr. Ryan to go over the results of my blood test and scans. The good news is that I previously had four nodules in my lungs and now only two of those remain. The bad news is that the two that remain have doubled in size from mm to cm, and there are two new ones. There are also some new lymph nodes in my chest area that are suspicious at this point. My blood test shows that my thyroid stimulating hormone has gone from one extreme to the other in six weeks, from double-normal to almost non-existent. So I had another more specific blood test and may have to visit my endocrinologist again to see if anything needs to be done. In the meantime, I will battle by continuing the Sutent. I started my sixth round last night.

Let me tell you about a different party that I chose to throw instead of that pity party. I studied it while I was in a Beth Moore Bible study on the book of Esther. In a nutshell, in Esther, there was an irreversible edict that would allow the Jews to be annihilated. But through many God-circumstances that reversed their destiny, an additional edict was presented that would allow the Jews to defend themselves. On the day after the two days of attack and defense, the Jews rested and made it a day of feasting and celebration. This became an annual celebration of the time when the Jews got relief from their enemies and when their sorrow was turned into joy and their mourning into a day of celebration with feasting and joy and the giving of portions of food. This was the celebration of Purim. Psalm 16:5-6 says, "Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup. You have made my lot secure; the boundary lines for me have fallen in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance." Those three words-destiny, portion, lot-all come from the same Hebrew word. This is how they all fit together: "No matter what life-or Satan himself-hands us, the favor God has on His children causes the 'lot' to tumble out on the table in such a way that, instead of destruction, the child will discover that her portion turned into destiny one trusting step at a time. When all is said and done, she will see that the portion God assigned her was good. Right. Rich. Full of purpose."

So I recently threw a Purim party of my own to celebrate the portion God allotted me, with a time of joy and feasting, and the chance to share with a few of those those who have daily fought my battle with me. I wish you all could have been there. It's not easy to choose to celebrate when you really want to have a pity party...but oh, it's so worth it to remember the goodness of our God and the defeat of our enemy. I don't know what my physical future may hold, but I know what my spiritual one holds, and it is secured for me in heaven.

Please continue to pray, my friends, as I know you do regularly, and for which I give thanks. Pray that the Sutent will work at attacking those nodules, and that any other suspicious areas will become as normal. Pray for those times that I feel defeated because I seem to have so little control over my body due to all of the medications and their side effects. Pray for my family. It's hard to hear that the battle is still on instead of almost over. And pray that we all can find the reasons to celebrate the goodness of our God. He is so faithful.

To all of you who contributed to the American Cancer Society's Relay for Life on my behalf, I offer you my humble thanks. I surpassed my goal for this year and raised $300. I'm touched that you would do that for me, and for all of us that are together in this battle against cancer.

Danene
June 26, 2009

Friday, June 5, 2009

Walking for Life

Hi, Friends and Family,

What a full few days this has been. Last Friday my son graduated from 8th grade, having made honor roll 7 out of 8 times. What a proud mom! Hard to believe I am now the mom of a high schooler. Hmmm. Not sure I feel ready for that. The night before, my sister-in-law graduated from nursing school. Having seen all she went through to accomplish this, the tears rolled freely as she walked the aisle and was pinned by her family. What a proud sister! We've had the end of school for all of us, fittings for braces for one, a birthday for the hubby, met our grand-niece for the first time, and so on. Busy!

I am in the last week of this round of chemo. No new side effects, but still sore feet, fighting a cold, and fighting the feeling of being tired. I look forward to the end of this round, for obvious reasons, but also because this time I will have scans and will see the result of why I take the meds. I'll keep you posted on what the results are as they come (appointment at UCSF is June 22nd).

I want to remind you that this weekend is Relay for Life, the walk that raises money for the American Cancer Society, and invite you to come out and join in the festivities, see the luminarias, and donate toward the hope of a cure. If you would like to go to my personal page and learn more, donate to the hope of a cure, or purchase a luminaria in honor or memory of someone you know, you can do so by cutting and pasting this link into your address bar: http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/RelayForLife/RFLFY09CA?px=10862144&pg=personal&fr_id=13653. It's really easy and well worth it. Please join our family and many others who have been touched by cancer by getting involved.

Love to you all,
Danene
June 5, 2009

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Ding...Round 5 Begins

Hi Friends,

I visited UCSF on Monday to check in with my doctor there and to get blood test results after finishing another round of Sutent. When the medical assistant took my blood pressure, it was finally within normal range, and seems to have regulated some. I will still have to monitor it regularly. The not-so-pleasant side effects from being on the blood pressure medicine also seem to have regulated, which makes me a much more pleasant person to be around! Thank you for all of your prayers on that matter. I actually met with the nurse-practitioner, Tammy, who I had heard about but never met. She was very nice and had already discussed my case with Dr. Ryan. My blood test results were okay, although there are a few things we will have to keep any eye on. My potassium is low, so I will make sure I have foods high in potassium in my diet. My creatinine is high, which means that the blood that is filtered by my kidney has a slightly high level of waste still in it. I was assured that it is nothing to be alarmed about, especially when you only have one kidney doing the job of two, but something to keep an eye on. My thyroid level is also high, so we will wait one more round, and if it is still high the next time, I will have to add thryoid medicine to my list as well. I start the next round of chemo on Thursday night. After this round, in mid-June, I will have scans done to see if there is any change or progress, as well as having a MUGA scan of my heart done to assure that the chemo is not affecting the way my heart pumps, which can happen after being on Sutent long term. (I have been told that long term means several years, so this is just a for a baseline. The plan still remains that I will only be on until November, unless the unexpected occurs.)

For the last two years, Matt and the kids and I have participated in the American Cancer Society's Relay for Life by walking in support of those we know who have or have had cancer. Last year we walked for an hour as a family, then I went back and walked in the early morning, as the luminarias were just dwindling, and had a quiet time with the Lord as I prayed for those same people. Little did I know that cancer may have already invaded my own life.

This year, I have joined the team we walked with last year, and will participate in the Survivor's Lap, as well as walking laps with my family, and being there for the lighting of the luminarias. As a team member, I am also trying to raise money for the Cancer Society. If you would like to go to my personal page and learn more, donate to the hope of a cure, or purchase a luminaria in honor or memory of someone you know, you can do so by cutting and pasting this link into your address bar: http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/RelayForLife/RFLFY09CA?px=10862144&pg=personal&fr_id=13653. From there, you follow the guidelines provided based on if you would like to donate online, download a form to mail in, purchase a luminaria, or just learn a little more.

Before I finish, I want to share with you a little excerpt from an incredible book I just finished, Same Kind of Different As Me, by Ron Hall and Denver Moore. If you can get your hands on this book, you will be blessed. In the book, Ron (who is white) asks Denver (who is colored, and not sure if he can trust Ron) if they can be friends, and this is Denver's response:

"I heard that when white folks go fishin they do somethin called 'catch and release.' I just can't figure it out. 'Cause when colored folks go fishin, we really proud of what we catch, and we take it and show it off to everybody that'll look. Then we eat what we catch...in other words we use it to sustain us. So it really bothers me that white folks would go to all that trouble to catch a fish, then when they done caught it, just throw it back in the water. So, Mr. Ron, it occurred to me: If you is fishin for a friend you just gon' catch and release, then I ain't got no desire to be your friend. But if you is lookin for a real friend, then I'll be one. Forever."

I want to thank all of you for sustaining me, for being the kind of friends and family that didn't just catch for awhile, then release, but are real...forever. You have blessed me beyond measure.

Danene
May 13, 2009

Monday, May 4, 2009

Misery is a Choice

Hi, Friends,

I found this past week that I may have met my match. Throughout this cancer journey, I have been able to handle the inflamed feet, the aching and tender hands, the gray, wiry hair (okay, so I'm frowning on that one), and so on, all of which have not lasted too long or haven't even shown up on this last round, which ended last Wednesday. But my newest foe are the side effects that go with the high blood pressure medicine I am on, and they may just take me down! Gas, cramps, bloating, diarrhea...if you only knew how humbling that is to share. It's been a long week and it has affected everything from family to work to daily plans and sleep. I'm in touch with the nurse at UCSF, and we are working together to find out how to stop all of this, which all ties in with the chemo and the steroids/lack of adrenal glands. I see Dr. Ryan, my oncologist, next Monday at 11:30, so hopefully we will find a solution at that time.

Sunday, our pastor shared some principles for living through tough times. What appropriate timing for me to hear those, as I was feeling a little sorry for myself. I was reminded of many wonderful verses that take us the way of the cross through those tough times. I was also reminded that 'trouble comes to all; misery, however, is a choice.' Wow. I'm not the only one living with troubles, and I definitely don't want to make the choice of taking those troubles to the misery level. A timely message for me!

I'll update you again after I meet with Dr. Ryan next week. Thank you all for your continued prayers.

Danene
May 4, 2009

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Catchin' Up

Hello, Everyone,

I thought I would catch you up on what's been happening since I went back on the chemo. I actually only have four days left in this round, which seems to have passed rather quickly. That's good!

The last time I blogged, I had just finished working at the church Easter weekend, and my feet were having some fits over being stood on all day. Then I also heard from the endocrinologist that I would need to keep on the steroids. Since then, my hands have started to ache when I grasp things, and if I put pressure on any part of them, it will hurt for a few days, then get better. I have to watch any heat on them, as well, which is a great excuse to get out of washing the dishes!

As a part of being on the chemo and on the steroids, I have to check my blood pressure a couple of times a week. This past week I started to notice it rising steadily, until it reached what is considered a hypertension level. This isn't good for anyone, but my sister-in-law has assured me it is really not good for someone in my situation. So after checking it for consecutive days, then putting in a call to my nurse, I am now also on high blood pressure meds. It seems to be helping a little, but is still high. (We all laugh at my little pill container-no offense to anyone out there but there are daily morning and night parts to it, and we call it my 'old lady' pill sorter!)

Last weekend, I went to Sutter Creek for a ladies retreat with my church, and on the last day each of us wrote a verse of encouragement for someone else at the retreat. We all put our cards in a basket, then the basket was passed and we randomly drew one out. Before the basket got to me, I prayed that whatever card I drew out would in some way be exactly what I needed for that moment. I really wanted a word from the Lord. I had suffered with my feet burning all weekend, and it was getting to be a little depressing and annoying. Well, God heard! This is the verse on the card I drew from the basket: 'but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. they will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint.' (Isaiah 40:31) Since then, my feet just haven't hurt as much. In fact, overall I'm feeling pretty well. God hears our prayers, God speaks encouraging words through others and His Word, God cares. Don't you just love that about Him? I sure do.

Have a great week,
Danene
April 26, 2009

P.S. I just read this and thought it was fantastic: "God has never looked over the balcony of heaven and said,'Oops!'" Nothing is ever a surprise to Him.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Steroid Dependent

Hi Friends,

Just a short blog to let you know that Dr. Rushakoff, the endrocrinologist who performed the cortisyn test on me on Monday, just called. He said that my cortisol (adrenal function level) was a 3. I asked what normal was, and he said anything over 18. So that pretty much sums up the fact that my adrenal gland is not functioning. He said there could be a few possibilities: it could have been damaged during the removal of my kidney, it could just plain not be functioning, or it could be that it has sustained so much trauma from surgeries and meds that it has shut down. We could pursue that possibility in the future by retaking the test and seeing if there is a different result. So in the meantime I remain on the steroids, which is really not a big deal, and order a really cool medic alert bracelet. Things could be much worse.

Since the last time I shared, my feet are doing much better. I just needed to get off of them for an extended period of time. I do have to watch my blood pressure a little more closely as it was pretty high when I visited Safeway to check it this time. Again, not a big deal as long as I monitor more often.

Thank you again for your continued prayers and encouraging words for me and my family. I'll share again soon.

Danene
April 16, 2009