What Would You Do If?

Hey all,

It’s been five weeks since my loving wife Danene went home to be with our Lord Jesus Christ.  This time I want to speak just to the guys.  What Would You Do If?

Hey guys.  What would you do if you had to wash, dry and style your wife’s hair because she was unable to do it?  Would you know which side to part it on or how much gel to put in it before you dried it?  Could you dry her hair and use a curling iron?  Would you even know how?   If you needed to put on her make-up, could you do it? Could you pick out her clothes and make them match?  I am going to challenge each of you to sit and watch your wife get ready to go somewhere like church, work, or out to dinner on a date night.

I was able to sit and watch my wife get ready on many occasions over the past twenty-two years; the last time was January 16.  Danene often asked me, “What are you doing?”  I would say, “Watching the woman that God gave me.”   I no longer get to watch her anymore, but I can close my eyes and see her getting ready, over and over again, as if it were yesterday.  I was given the opportunity to bath, wash, dry, style, dress, and care for my wife during the last days of her life.  God gave me the chance to live out my Wedding Vows in sickness and health.  I got to love her when she was healthy, and was given the privilege to love and care for her when she was sick, and she let me.  I may have not been able to do everything just like she would have, but she loved me enough to give me the opportunity.  Danene could have asked someone else, but she wanted me to help.  It was an honor for me to be able to care for her.

Guys, do you know just what makes your wife tick?  Take the time to stop, look, and hear what those things are (and smell the roses along the way).  One activity Danene loved was going on drives anywhere.   I was able to take my wife on a drive in the country just a few days before she passed away, January 26, I think.  Although there had been many rainy days, that day was sunny.  The drive wasn’t long, but it was an outing she needed so she could say goodbye.  The sun was shining in her hair and face, and this trip she did not fall asleep the moment we left Woodbridge, like she normally did.  We drove through the country holding hands like we had hundreds of time before, but this time it was just a little different. I didn’t know it then, but she was saying her goodbyes.  Can you remember the first time you ever held your wife’s hand?   Our first time was when we went roller-skating as chaperones for church kids.  A week later on our first date, we went to see Out of Africa, and I remember her asking, “Why did you ask if you could hold my hand?” My response was, “I didn’t want to offend you.”

 Saturday, January 30, was another sunny afternoon, and I made a way so Danene could to go in her wheelchair on a walk in our neighborhood.  I had installed an oxygen tank directly to the chair so we would not have to drag around the tank separately.  This walk she wanted to be with her mom and Meghan.  However, after Meghan almost crashed Danene’s wheelchair, Velma took over.  Meghan ran back home mad (I think this was a God thing).  It was a time for Velma and Danene to enjoy each other.  It wasn’t a long walk, but Danene was saying goodbye to the neighborhood that she loved.   Later Zac and I were working in the garage, and she wanted to sit in the driveway and enjoy the sun.  She was saying goodbye to the view we enjoyed so often when we would sit and talk while the kids played out front.  She rested there watching Zac work on his bike, and as I helped him, she just smiled. Danene started to get cold so I took her inside.

I don’t quite know why I needed to write down these memories.  Maybe it was a way for me to heal a little, but I just felt compelled to do it. Guys, “Don’t Wait Until It Is Too Late To Learn What It Is That Makes Your Wife Happy”.  Just Do It.  Don’t say “What Would You Do If?”  I was given a gift from God for a short time. “Danene was that gift.”  You, too, have been given a gift, “Your Wife”.  Love her with each breath you breathe, and cherish her.  I will get to see my wife again because I have been given the greatest gift of all which Danene and I both accepted.  “Jesus Is That Gift.”  Don’t let Jesus out of your sight.   But Seek Ye First The Kingdom Of God And His Righteousness, And All These Things Shall Be Added Unto You. Matt 6:33

Danene's Partner in Life, Matt

"A Friend's Thought About Danene"

Hello Friends and Family.
      It's been just a little over a month since my loving wife Danene went home to be with the Lord. A very close family friend wrote the following and I wanted to share it with you all, this touched my heart and I think it may touch your heart as well. Love you all, and thank you for lifting our family up to God during this time.
Danene's Partner in Life, Matt.

Mourning the Loss of Danene

God desires that we manifest His Kingdom here on earth. Janis “Danene” Edalgo was true to this call as a daughter, wife, mother, family member, teacher and friend. Now she joins God’s Kingdom “as it is in heaven.” Danene will be dearly missed by those of us who remain behind –for a time.

It is a challenge to consider something beyond our loss. We know Danene is better off with her Savior, but our emotions want her back. We tell ourselves that God is sovereign, and “all things work together for good,” but our hearts cry, “No!” While we do not understand the timing, nonetheless, there is comfort to be found. Our God is well acquainted with our sorrow and offers hope – if we are willing to receive it.

We are promised that in His presence is “fullness of joy” and “pleasures for evermore.” Danene recognized the surpassing value of God’s presence over all else this life has to offer. If we believe what Danene believed, we must conclude that her life was not tragically “cut short,” but rather “more abundantly” fulfilled. If we trust what God has said, the gain to His Kingdom outweighs our temporary loss. Right now, Danene is experiencing “joy unspeakable” in the presence of her Lord. She joins friends and family who have preceded us. Our Lord loves her more than we possibly can. Others like Louis, Florence, Oliver and Pearl love her too. Would we deny her this reunion merely to delay our grief that is only temporary?

Perhaps had Danene been an unbeliever or spiritually immature, our gracious God would have extended her time here. But Danene had accomplished what God had set out for her to do; successful helpmate, nurturing mother, gifted instructor, and our sister in Christ. But the ultimate proof that she was ready to go Home was her finish. The worse it got, the more determined Danene was to testify of her Savior. 

It is hard to accept that God uses hardship to impress on us what is truly important. Someone once said, “Heaven is a prepared place for a prepared people.” Do we really believe that going to be with Him is better than this life? Danene would say, “His loving kindness is better than life.” She finished strong. Will we?

Yes, we grieve. But let us grieve righteously and keep before us the goal of joining Danene along with so many other friends and loved ones who have preceded us into the presence of the One who has won the victory over death.

“Wherefore the rather, brethren, give diligence to make your calling and election sure: for if ye do these things, ye shall never fall.”  2 Peter 1:10

More to come.

Dear Friends and Family. I will be sharing with you the last weeks of Danene's life. I will share what we went through, how “God Showed Her Compassion and Mercy” during her death. “How God’s Plan is Perfect”. “How a Loving Wife Completed Her Husband”. From my heart as a husband “Are You Loving Your Wife” and “What Would You Do…If, Would You Know”. If God calls me to write more I will let myself be lead to do so.

I love you all and thankful for the prayers and encouragements you all have showed our family and my loving wife Danene.

Please come with me as the journey continues. With God’s Help  the Edalgo’s will Endure.

In Gods Service, Matt

Not the End, But just the beginning of Life Everlasting with Christ

Remembering

Janis "Danene" Edalgo

 

Janis “Danene” Edalgo, 46 of Woodbridge went home to be with Jesus on Sunday, January 31, 2010.  A native of Lodi she was born February 10, 1963 and graduated from Lodi High as part of the class of 1981.  Danene furthered her education with a Bachelors of Arts degree in Education from Oral Roberts University in 1985, began teaching for the Lincoln Unified School District in 1985, and for the last 14 years has taught at Brookside Elementary School in Stockton.

She is survived by her husband, Matthew Edalgo of Woodbridge, three children, Zac, Regan and Meghan Edalgo all of Woodbridge, her parents, Roger and Velma Stafford of Lodi, two brothers Rev. Rodney Stafford (Molly) of Portland, Oregon and Dr. Gary Stafford (Cynthia) of Pleasanton, CA. her parents-in-law, Ralph and Beverly Edalgo of Lodi, Brothers-in-law Mike and Mark Edalgo both of Stockton and sister-in-law Patty Edalgo of Lodi as well as many nieces, nephews, great nieces and nephews.

Danene had a passion for her Lord, family and children. She attended Bethel Open Bible Church throughout her life.  One of her favorite ministries was discipling 6th graders through the church Cross Training program.  She taught young couples how to build stronger families through the Growing Kids God’s Way program. She was involved with Operation Christmas Child that is part of the Samaritan’s Purse. She was an active participant in the Relay For Life of Lodi.  Danene loved her family and became the epitome of a soccer mom, although her involvement also included football, softball, swimming, baseball and cheerleading.

A celebration of her life will be held on Saturday, February 6, 2010 at 10:00 AM at the Bethel Open Bible Church 760 S. Ham Lane Lodi.   Inurnment will be private at Cherokee Memorial Park.

In lieu of flowers, donations may be made in her name to Relay For Life of Lodi, Shoeboxes to: Samaritan’s Purse P.O. Box 801 Bamboo Rd. Boone, NC 28607 or to the Trust Fund established for the benefit of the children, a Fidelity Scholar Share 529 Plan has been established, checks should be made payable to “FA 529 Plan”.  In the memo section please indicate Edalgo. Please mail your contribution to Gary LaMusga, The LaMusga Co, 1280 Civic Drive, #210, Walnut Creek, CA 94596 or call 925-287-1567.

Marathon Days

Dear Friends and Family,

A lot has happened since I last blogged with you.  I am still home from the hospital after my stay for
shortness of breath and the problems we found in my lungs.  However, I have quite a fight ahead of me.  It has not been easy physically, mentally or in any other way.  I started out well, living within the guidelines of my new diet, mostly diabetic due to the steroid I am on.  Then, about 4 days later, everything hit the wall.  I started to have no appetite, began to grow weak, and was not sleeping at night at all.  We realized later that I should have already been tapering off of the steroids, but had not been given any orders from the hospital, so was on a higher dose for about a week longer that I should have been.  We visited the cardiologist, who assured us things did not look worse, but had not really improved.  We also found out that one of the meds I had in the hospital would not be available to me unless I had a catheter put in to measure the pressure of the backup in my lungs.  (Since then, it did get approved for 90 days, so will not need that catheter yet.  This med should help open the blood vessels so they can help spread the oxygen a little better.)

On Thursday, we traveled to UCSF, which in retrospect, we realized we should not have gone, as it totally wore me out, and then I managed to press the wrong button when I got out of the car, and we were locked out with all of our stuff in it, and it was still running. No Onstar, so Matt hauled me in for my blood test, then upstairs to the appointment.  I had not eaten yet, and all of the insulin and stuff we needed to check my blood sugar was locked in the car.  God is good, in that there was a locksmith right across the street from the hospital, and he was available.  Then, we had not brought enough cash, so Matt couldn't park in the lot, so he had to find a handicapped spot three blocks away.  Back up to me; check the blood sugar and get a shot; choke down a sandwich; be ready to meet with everyone there.  By the time the fellow and the good doctor walked in the door, we were ready to leave.  We were exhausted, and could have handled the appointment over the phone.  Really, no new news other that what I had gone through in the hospital.  Well, one big piece of news is that they have pulled me off all chemo.  They cannot discount that it is contributing to the problems, so I am done for the short term.  They also wanted us to know that the cancer, and what it happening in my lungs are connected.  I had thought of them as two things, and once the one was taken care of, we could move onto the other.  Not so.  They are connected, and the one in my lungs just may be one that I may not beat.  While we continue to fight, the fight could be too much.

On Friday, we were in Dr. Duncan's office as I just couldn't take it anymore.  The steroids they put me on don't allow me to sleep, and actually give me huge bouts of anxiety.  I was having problems eating, then swallowing.  So, at first, they put me on Ambien, so I could sleep, then realized that Ambien and the steroid work against each other, so I didn't sleep at all.  So they put me on Soroquel, which really seemed to help me sleep, until I realized I was having a horrible time swallowing, literally chewing my food to a pulp, and still not able to choke it down.  So they took me off the Soroquel, which is known to cause this, and put me on Ativan, another anti-anxiety drug.  Hopefully this one will help me be calm through the night so Matt and I can sleep.  He is up with me helping me with the bathroom, and any other little thing I need in the night.  But that means he doesn't sleep much either.

Since the appointment with Dr. Duncan, I now have a hospital bed, a wheelchair, and a commode, which I do use.  I'm doing my best to eat and get my strength back, but it had been the hardest thing I have done yet.  It is literally hour to hour, most days.

We have been blessed by all of the meals that have been prepared and dropped off, as well as the fact that many of you are waiting in the wings for your turn.  Matt's mom and dad have been at the house almost everyday, as well as my RN sister-in-law, who have all helped in many humbling ways.  My brother and his children have been here, I talk to my aunt in Texas regularly, and my brother from Portland flew down to spend a few days with us.  But best of all was when my parents walked in the door after being gone 38 days.

We have prepared our family for the fact that anything could happen at this point.  Have we given up?  NO!  We know that our mighty God can choose to heal at any moment.  We also know that healing might take place in Heaven.

I ask that you continue to pray for my family, for Matt and endurance, wisdom, and rest for him, and that we will get the meds figured out and I will be able to tolerate them.  This includes eating, working through the anxiety that sets in at any moment, and the enormous amount of strength it takes just to go to the bathroom, or the marathon it feels like I've run just to take a shower.  I have a long ways to go, but am trying to stand firmly on the promises in the Word,

Join me there,
Danene
January 24,2010

Home Again

Dear Friends,

I am home.   As you know from my last blog, I was in the hospital for awhile.  We thought it would be just a few days, but I ended up being there 10 days.  I came home on Friday evening ready to see my family, and bringing a lot of baggage with me.

As you know, the shadings in my lungs turned out to be some kind of pulmonary infection.  They are treating it with steroids, which affect my blood sugar, so Matt and I check my insulin before every meal.  So far, I have been within the guidelines and have not had to have a single injection since coming home!  My diet is now a low salt, low sugar, low carb diet, which is good for me but is a challenge to plan, and so on.  I apparently lost a lot of weight wihle in the hospital, so am working on maintaining that, but still trying to learn to eat differently and get in all of the little meals I need to allow for the blood sugar changes.

I have an oxygen tank here and a LONG length of hose that has the run of the house with me.  I still have moments of fear at not getting deep enough breaths, but I am working through those, and realizing it is okay to be afraid, just not to fall into the depths of that fear and stay there.  Matt has been a rock in this area with me, supporting me and encouraging me.  I also take breathing treatments every 6 hours.  We skipped one since I got home, and we realized that can not happen, as I really did need it.  I am still fighting a bit of a cough, which is aggravating and sometimes clogs me up, so the treatments really help open me up.

We have some friends who have loaned us a recliner that we set up in our front room, and this is bed at night for now.  I still cannot lie flat as I feel a pressure on my chest and heart and it makes it harder to breathe.  But this chair is very comfortable and is working very well for me.  The pulmonary specialist says that this whole process will possibly take up to two to three months before it may be healed, so this is a long road ahead.  I think I am getting stronger each day, and probably will not need the oxygen for that entire amount of time, but will stay on the steroids and many other drugs they are finding necessary.

I see the cardiologist on Wednesday for an update on my heart and on the medications she has placed me on, then Matt and I will go to UCSF on Thursday to meet with the oncologists.  That will be the first time we will havae spoken to them since my hospital stay, although my other doctors have been in contact with them somewhat.  We have a lot of questions to ask and pieces to try and place together.

I want you to know just how overwhelmed and blessed Matt and I and our kids have felt by all of your help and encouraging words.  Many of you have sent cards, stopped by with meals or treats, called to check up on what you could help with, and many came to see me or called at the hospital.  We are blessed.  Matt's parents have been here regularly, as has my RN nurse sister-in-law, who would not leave until she was sure we knew what we were up against and how to check my insulin, give the shots (Matt practiced on an orange!), and had meals for my new diet under control.  God has blessed us with her training, her merciful heart, and her availablity.  It is very hard to be beholden to others, even family, but God is working on my heart in this area.  Please know how thankful we are for each of you, and that we treasure and lean on your prayers.

Danene and Family
January17, 2010

From The Hospital Room

Dear Friends and Family,


It’s been quite awhile since I last blogged, as I look back on the last entry. Since then, Matt and I have been to UCSF to meet with Dr. Ryan and to go over blood tests and the results of my scans. The scans showed that the meds are working to contain the cancer as there was no additional growth on any of the nodules in my lungs, and the soft mass in my lower abdomen is showing signs of being necrotic (dying). This is wonderful news!

The day after we got back from that appointment, I had the day off of work, and found myself unable to breathe deeply if I moved around at all. I spent most of the day in the recliner, and finally called Matt, who suggested I call the cardiologist. They immediately suggested I go to the ER, so my good friend Kimberley dropped everything and drove me there where Matt eventually met us. My pulmonary pressure is twice what it should be, which is a large cause of my breathlessness. They did another echocardiogram and gave me a deep breathing treatment. I was admitted to the hospital and met with a pulmonary specialist, who gave me a bronchioscopy the Thursday morning, which meant he went in through my nose into my lungs, cleaned out the gook, and took several biopsies of the spider-webby areas at the base of my lung lobes. He thought this went very well with little bleeding. I am having deep breathing treatments every 6 hours, which are really helping my ability to breathe more deeply and to control my breathing without panting as much. The next morning the specialist stopped by and he had called the lab for a preliminary path report and the biopsies showed NO CANCER! They are just a form of broncialitis or an inflammation of the lungs. So they are treating it with large doses of steroids that they are already gradually tapering off. The side effects of the steroids affect my blood sugar, so I have it checked four times a day, and have a small dose of insulin each time depending on the level of the sugar. (I think of you often, Kent.) I’m still here at Lodi Memorial, and will probably be here for a few more days until they get things stabilized a little more and have a better plan of attack for when I go home. The steroids will need to continue for up to three months, as well as breathing treatments and oxygen, so there will still be a long road to travel when I finally get home, with lots of unknowns for now. I have taken a week by week leave from school for now, until I know the long term of what I am up against. Each day is a little different, some going very well, and some filled with fear and anxiety. I am learning to turn to the Bible, to cry out to Jesus, and to lose myself in worship music on my iPod during those moments. God has delivered me many a time from the brink of despair. I find myself missing my children, who are not allowed to visit me. My sister-in-law, in her infinite wisdom and deeply caring heart, bought journals for the kids and me so we can write letters back and forth to each other. This has turned out to be a fun and creative way to stay in touch and be as real as possible with each other.

I realize I have rambled a lot with this blog, but this is where I am for now in this journey with cancer. It has taken some turns that were unexpected, but I am getting the help I need. And in the midst of it all is some good news that the cancer is somewhat under control. We are surrounded by caring and helpful family and friends that have completely overwhelmed us with their help and desire to step in and do anything at all. We have had people pick up and deliver kids, bring meals, clean house, drop off baked goods, and just call with words of encouragement and wisdom. And we are thankful. We are thankful for all of your prayers, and ask that they continue. Pray in whatever way the Lord lays on your heart. We will keep you updated as we can and as we know more.

Danene and Matt and Kids