My Portion

Dear Friends,

I have to tell you that through my experience with cancer there have been many times that I have been tempted to throw a pity party and invite fear, worry, and dread. It's hard to stay positive and dwell on all the good that happens in my life in the midst of the not-so-fun. I had that temptation after meeting with Dr. Ryan to go over the results of my blood test and scans. The good news is that I previously had four nodules in my lungs and now only two of those remain. The bad news is that the two that remain have doubled in size from mm to cm, and there are two new ones. There are also some new lymph nodes in my chest area that are suspicious at this point. My blood test shows that my thyroid stimulating hormone has gone from one extreme to the other in six weeks, from double-normal to almost non-existent. So I had another more specific blood test and may have to visit my endocrinologist again to see if anything needs to be done. In the meantime, I will battle by continuing the Sutent. I started my sixth round last night.

Let me tell you about a different party that I chose to throw instead of that pity party. I studied it while I was in a Beth Moore Bible study on the book of Esther. In a nutshell, in Esther, there was an irreversible edict that would allow the Jews to be annihilated. But through many God-circumstances that reversed their destiny, an additional edict was presented that would allow the Jews to defend themselves. On the day after the two days of attack and defense, the Jews rested and made it a day of feasting and celebration. This became an annual celebration of the time when the Jews got relief from their enemies and when their sorrow was turned into joy and their mourning into a day of celebration with feasting and joy and the giving of portions of food. This was the celebration of Purim. Psalm 16:5-6 says, "Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup. You have made my lot secure; the boundary lines for me have fallen in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance." Those three words-destiny, portion, lot-all come from the same Hebrew word. This is how they all fit together: "No matter what life-or Satan himself-hands us, the favor God has on His children causes the 'lot' to tumble out on the table in such a way that, instead of destruction, the child will discover that her portion turned into destiny one trusting step at a time. When all is said and done, she will see that the portion God assigned her was good. Right. Rich. Full of purpose."

So I recently threw a Purim party of my own to celebrate the portion God allotted me, with a time of joy and feasting, and the chance to share with a few of those those who have daily fought my battle with me. I wish you all could have been there. It's not easy to choose to celebrate when you really want to have a pity party...but oh, it's so worth it to remember the goodness of our God and the defeat of our enemy. I don't know what my physical future may hold, but I know what my spiritual one holds, and it is secured for me in heaven.

Please continue to pray, my friends, as I know you do regularly, and for which I give thanks. Pray that the Sutent will work at attacking those nodules, and that any other suspicious areas will become as normal. Pray for those times that I feel defeated because I seem to have so little control over my body due to all of the medications and their side effects. Pray for my family. It's hard to hear that the battle is still on instead of almost over. And pray that we all can find the reasons to celebrate the goodness of our God. He is so faithful.

To all of you who contributed to the American Cancer Society's Relay for Life on my behalf, I offer you my humble thanks. I surpassed my goal for this year and raised $300. I'm touched that you would do that for me, and for all of us that are together in this battle against cancer.

Danene
June 26, 2009

Walking for Life

Hi, Friends and Family,

What a full few days this has been. Last Friday my son graduated from 8th grade, having made honor roll 7 out of 8 times. What a proud mom! Hard to believe I am now the mom of a high schooler. Hmmm. Not sure I feel ready for that. The night before, my sister-in-law graduated from nursing school. Having seen all she went through to accomplish this, the tears rolled freely as she walked the aisle and was pinned by her family. What a proud sister! We've had the end of school for all of us, fittings for braces for one, a birthday for the hubby, met our grand-niece for the first time, and so on. Busy!

I am in the last week of this round of chemo. No new side effects, but still sore feet, fighting a cold, and fighting the feeling of being tired. I look forward to the end of this round, for obvious reasons, but also because this time I will have scans and will see the result of why I take the meds. I'll keep you posted on what the results are as they come (appointment at UCSF is June 22nd).

I want to remind you that this weekend is Relay for Life, the walk that raises money for the American Cancer Society, and invite you to come out and join in the festivities, see the luminarias, and donate toward the hope of a cure. If you would like to go to my personal page and learn more, donate to the hope of a cure, or purchase a luminaria in honor or memory of someone you know, you can do so by cutting and pasting this link into your address bar: http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/RelayForLife/RFLFY09CA?px=10862144&pg=personal&fr_id=13653. It's really easy and well worth it. Please join our family and many others who have been touched by cancer by getting involved.

Love to you all,
Danene
June 5, 2009