A Week Of Bittersweet

            This week has been bittersweet for me. I celebrated twenty-five years of sobriety, which is a high point. The bitter part is not having my wife here to share it with me; she played such a vital roll in this milestone.  While sobriety is a very positive part of my life, it’s only one chapter of this book called life.  I owe it all to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I was arrested and sitting in a jail cell on November 16, 1985, surrounded by 40 plus people, but at the same time I was totally alone.  God met me where I was and picked me up. At that point I was a mid-stage alcoholic and had been drinking non-stop for six months (from the time I got up in the morning until I went to bed). God released me from the need to drink for about 3-4 weeks which gave me a chance to regain my bearings.  I had a chance to see that all the dreams I had for my life were slipping through my fingers because of my addictions. While it took about four months to recommit my life to Christ, it was at that time I realized that Jesus was and is the friend I need.

            When I started to live out Matthew 6:33 in my life, God started giving me some of the things I had hoped for as a young man.  And BAM there was Danene.  She soon became my best friend and then my wife (all parts of God’s plan). We were married on August 8, 1987, and the honeymoon began.  However, we were dealt some tough stuff that we had to deal with. Most of which was sin and a lifestyle that brought so much crap (I could think of other words to use, but that would just not be right) into our partnership. I was convicted over and over and haunted by my past.  As a twenty-five year-old I thought I knew so much, but I was so wrong. I felt that even though I was dealing with my addictions, I needed to learn more about God’s love for me so that I would have the ability to love my mate. When I asked my father-in–law, Roger, for Danene’s hand in marriage, I said all the right things. But he said something that I have never forgotten.  He said, “Take care and provide for her spiritual needs.” While I thought I knew what he meant, I didn’t know to what extent that would take me.

            For you that know me well, you know that I listen to Christian music or conservative talk radio most of the time during my road trips. My kids can tell you which song gets to my heart these days.  The song “Lead Me” by Sanctus Real is the one that can just rip it out of my chest and let me see it beating.  I know that is graphic statement, but I want you to get what I talking about. After about two years of marriage, Danene came to me crying and asking me to step up and be the man she needed me to be. Not just that guy that was bringing home the bacon and supplying her earthly needs. So twenty-one years ago she could have written the lyrics to first verse of “Lead Me”.  This is what she ask for in a round about way…

            I look around and see my wonderful life

Almost perfect from the outside

In picture frames I see my beautiful wife

Always smiling

But on the inside, I can hear her saying...

“Lead me with strong hands

Stand up when I can't

Don't leave me hungry for love

Chasing dreams, what about us?

Show me you're willing to fight

That I'm still the love of your life

I know we call this our home

But I still feel alone”

That was my wake up call, and it was my next step in my walk with Christ. I started to ask God to teach me how to love His way. I was warped with a worldly view, based on feeling and lust. I made a stand in my life to make some real changes because even thought I was broken, I had not given everything to Christ. There were those areas that we never talk about to others (probably because we are worried what people will think about us).  At a men’s retreat with some of my church brothers I took that step and because I confessed my sin, I was able to forgive myself, and this was another step in growth. I was making God’s will be walked out in my life. I was starting to understand what Roger asked of me. While this didn’t happen overnight, over the next five years before children, I had the time I needed to start to develop this in my life.

            By no means am I perfect, I’m not even close. I’m just a guy that has learned some lessons in this thing we call life. I’m still learning, and there are things that I have just recently learned that were taught to me by Danene. She was willing to be used by God and do whatever He asked, even to her death. Our Pastor Mark talked about “Why Not Me?” last week.  For you that attend Bethel and were there you know what I mean. We can question God in our lives as stuff happens; we can ask, “Why Me?” I think I can let you all in on a truth, this life is not about you or me; it’s about God. He brings all things together for His glory. I just told my daughter, Meghan, this morning that God knows that we can handle this in our lives so that we can be used to glorify God in the story that He wants to write. Danene’s story is not completely written because she died. Her legacy is living on in all of those that knew her.  It’s being written in my life and the lives of our children, relatives, and all those who have come in contact with her or her story.

            On the day that Danene died, my dad and dad-in-law came to the hospital to see how I was doing and get me back home. My dad drove himself to my house, and I asked Roger to ride with me. The first thing I asked him was, “Roger, did I do what you asked me to do, when I asked for Danene’s hand in marriage?”  A true blessing was then delivered to me with his words, “Yes, Matt, you did.” Thank you, Roger and Velma, for letting me have your daughter to be my wife.  Guys love your wife as God loved His church willing to give his only Son that we might have everlasting life. That’s a tall order, but first you need to know God in order to truly understand love.

            Now I’m starting on other chapters in my life that I’m choosing to allow God to help me write. It’s onward to the rest of the song, which is about being a dad…

I see their faces, look in their innocent eyes

They're just children from the outside

I'm working hard, I tell myself they'll be fine

They're independent

But on the inside, I can hear them saying...

“Lead me with strong hands

Stand up when I can't

Don't leave me hungry for love

Chasing dreams, but what about us?

Show me you're willing to fight

That I'm still the love of your life

I know we call this our home

But I still feel alone”

So Father, give me the strength

To be everything I'm called to be

Oh, Father, show me the way

To lead them

Won't You lead me?

To lead them with strong hands

To stand up when they can't

Don't want to leave them hungry for love,

Chasing things that I could give up

I'll show them I'm willing to fight

And give them the best of my life

So we can call this our home

Lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone

Father, lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone

            Please join with me and ask the Father to lead us through this thing we call life.

If you feel led, please pray for me to be the dad I need to be, but even more so the spiritual dad that I should be. But don’t do it until you have prayed for your spouse and family.

Danene’s Partner In Life, Matt

Some good advice from a good friend.

Aloha, and sorry all for being delayed in writing a blog. I haven't had much time lately and I just haven't been able to put the words together. But today it hit me so here I am, sharing some old stuff and some new.

Back in 1977 my parents brought our family to Hawaii, it was their first time back to the Islands since they lived there in 1955(my father was stationed here for 2 1/2 years while serving in the Marine Corps) he has always said it was their honeymoon. During the trip they keep saying how different everything was, and as a kid I didn't give it much thought. On one of the last days of that 1977 trip my mom found the Aloha Tower, and bam the trip was complete for them. They could go home happy.

I am standing in the same shoes, but with a few differences. This time it was me that has been saying so many things have changed about the Kona Coastline since Danene and I honeymooned here 23 years ago. The biggest thing is She is not here to share this trip with me (in body), although She is here in spirit and in my heart. Today I went through the lobby of the hotel we stayed in. Most of the hotel and it's grounds had not changed. The view from the lobby, the same, and the beach where we had rooms-service deliver our dinner so we could watch the sunset while eating was the same as well. Great memories for me, but it is a bitter-sweet. God Is Good All The Time, and my story is not done being written. God is going to be involved with writing it, as I serve His will for my life, He will complete the ending for His Glory. Please join me as I make His will my will, and choose to serve not be served. If you know Christ Jesus as your Lord and Savior, don't keep him to yourself, freely share Him with others. Let God write your story as He has written Danene's life story and in the process of writing mine. While I will not have a bam moment, I will go home happy because of what God has done for me.

A very good friend told me just before going on vacation "Matt...I know that you been having a hard time writing lately, you just need to share some of the stuff you have written in the past". Thanks Tim, I think you are right. I wrote this about a year and 4 days ago and I feel it appropriate to share again. Take it from someone that is allowing God to fill the void of a lost spouse. Love the one that God gives you...They are a gift from God. Build memories everyday by loving them like Christ love the Church. Trust me Jesus is a hard act to follow but He is the perfect example to follow and if you allow Him to guide you through that process. I love all of you that have been holding my family up in prayer, and I'm asking God to blessings to be apon you. Danene's Partner In Life, Matt

Hey all,

Over the past couple of days I have been just overwhelmed with something I need to share. As most of you know, a year ago Danene had what we know as life saving surgery to remove her left kidney. During the recovery process in the hospital something happened to our relationship. There were three nights in a row that I stayed the night to get her through the painful recovery from the surgery. There were a lot of sleepless moments. But in the morning about 4:00-4:30 the great nursing staff would start to make their rounds to get ready for the doctors 6 am rounds. This proved to be some of the best times that we have ever had together.

As we would wake, we would start to talk, sharing life together and just talking about everything, and we would pray together. During this time in the hospital there was more healing taking place than just in Danene’s body. God was working on our relationship with each other as well as our relationship with him. “Husbands love your wife as Christ loves the church” Ephesians 5:25. I was not doing my job very well, and it’s something I have to work at everyday. God helps me with this process daily but only when I ask Him and allow Him to have control over my life. God has given us the second greatest gift He could give us: our wife; the greatest gift is His Son, Jesus. Guys, if you keep the relationship right with Jesus, He will help you keep your relationship right with your wife. You all just need to be thankful for the gift that God the Father has given us. Love the wife that completes you, cares for you, feeds you, cares for your kids, and loves you in spite of all of your shortcomings. Providing for her needs is just not going to work and bringing home the bacon.

Each morning when I wake it brings me joy to see my wife breathing, sleeping, and recovering from yet another day of meds. I just have to stop and give thinks for this gift that God has given. I will get on my knees before God and give Him the praise and thanks that He deserves. This past year has brought us through a lot of ups and downs as Danene battles with this wretched disease. We continue to serve God and we stand on the promise that “Everything is possible for him who believes in Christ Jesus” Mark 9:23. Some of you ask us “what can we do for you guys?” I would say to you to love your wife/husband so that you can be a good witness to your kids, family, and the world around you. Share the love Jesus showed us when he died on the cross to those around you and fulfill the great commission.

Danene and I will not question why it has come to pass that she got cancer. We will only hope that God will be glorified with our walk with Him through this process. Please continue to pray for us and for Danene’s healing, but only after you have prayed for your spouse.

In God’s Love, we are thankful for you all,
Matt (Danene’s husband and partner in life).

It's a Season of Firsts.

It’s a Season of Firsts.

           

Well it’s been six months since Danene went to spend her life everlasting with our Lord Jesus Christ, and our Almighty God the Father. But for the Edalgo’s it has been a series of firsts. While I try not to make things about me, there are some things you all need to be aware of.  Hold on to the memories that you have and make memories with your loved ones daily.  It will help you when there is a loss. I have found that if I have too much time on my hands, it takes its toll on me.  I learned this the hard way when we took our first family vacation.  I rented a large beach house south of Aptos, and just south of the little town of La Selva.  My parents and in-laws started renting a condo together back when I was in the 6^th grade and Danene was in 5^th.  Our families continued to vacation together for 28+ years.  All of us watched our families grow, and out of those vacations there came two marriages. Danene and I were the first, and then my oldest nephew Jeremy and his wife Alisha married.  She was a product of one of the many that met together with our families during the 4^th of July. With their union, Danene and I enjoyed becoming a Great Aunt and I the Greatest Uncle. Jeremy and Alisha’s daughter, Madison, is going to be two. Wow. Our families have so many wonderful memories from those vacations, and I will cherish them for as long as God allows me to be here. So for me I'm going to watch just how much free time I have while on vacations, and when we do go, we will be on the go. There will not be much lounging time for me during the future vacations. Definitely there will be no more walks on the beach alone. 

            But back to the firsts, there have been so many that I made a list.  First day of work and not getting a phone call from my wife, first vacation without Danene (4^th of July), first trip to Phil’s Fish Market at Moss Landing, first trip to the Santa Cruz Boardwalk, first summer break, first tea party, first fire on the beach, first family crisis without Danene to smooth it out, first shopping trip for a bra (sorry Meghan), first parent conferences at school, first back-to-school night for Meghan, first trip to high school to make the agreements for Zac’s classes, first day of school (that was a tough one), first fishing trip, first soccer game for Meghan, first baseball game for Regan and I, first badminton game for Zac, first last day of school and start of summer break, first doctor appointments, first dentist appointments, first trip to church camp for Zac, first planting of the garden, first tomato from the garden (Danene’s favorite), first hamburger using that tomato (a tradition), first batch of spaghetti sauce with the bounty from our garden, first time of not getting to celebrate Danene’s birthday, first Valentine’s Day, first spring break, first Easter Sunday, first pool/baseball party at our house, first loss of a tooth, first time for me to hire a baby sitter and to determine how much to pay her, first time for filling out all the paperwork for the first day of school (it took 2 hours), first piano lesson for Meghan,  first song that Meghan wrote for the piano, first varsity letter for Zac in badminton, first progress reports from school, first reports cards, first Mother’s Day, first Fathers Day, first day of drivers training for Zac, first day of letting Zac drive with his permit (I’m still sweating from that one), first Relay For Life, first night of sleep without Danene (a hard one for us all), first time I had to fill out all of the graduation cards and buy the gifts (thanks for gift cards at Safeway), first shopping list, first menu for the week, first time get ink out of a shirt, first time planning a vacation (ha, I still have Danene’s notes), first time paying all of the bills, first trip to Danene’s school and her not being there in her chair, my first birthday without her, and soon it will be kids first birthdays, Thanksgiving, and Christmas.  One of the toughest I face will be my first wedding anniversary without Danene on August 8^th.  It would have been our 23^rd anniversary.

            As you can tell there have been a lot of firsts, and there will be many more to come.  But there will always be firsts in our lives, and some of those will change us forever.  God can be what changes our life the most, but don’t wait to make that happen.  God is just waiting on YOU.  “For God so love the world the he gave his one and only Son (A First), that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” John 3: 16. “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Matthew 6: 33.  Please don’t take this Scripture out of context as so many of us have.  “We love, because he first loved us.” 1 John 4: 19. “Jesus replied:  ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your soul and all your mind.’  This is the first and greatest commandment.” Matthew 22: 37, 38. “I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End.” Revelation22: 13.

For those of us that know Jesus as our Lord and Savior, God has given this Scripture for us to do. “And the gospel must first be preached to all the nations.” Mark 13: 10. Please read all of Mark 13 (I read it in the NIV version), because the time is at hand, and share what you have with others so that they can experience a FIRST in their life.  Please, don’t put it off.  Today, be willing to be used by God for His purpose and His will.  Make the choice to serve the Almighty God.  One thing I’m sure of is this: If we let God steer our car (life), although road maybe rough, along the way He will grow us to be the person we need to be.  He will get us to the everlasting destination as he did with my loving wife, Danene.  However, if God is only our co-pilot, get ready to crash.   Fortunately, He will always be there to pick-up the pieces.  Join me and let God light our pathway as we follow after Him who sits on the throne, and we can then handle any of the FIRSTS that may come our way.

Danene’s partner in life, Matt.

Father's Day 2010

Dear Family and Friends,

 It’s Father’s Day and my heart has gone out to my father-in-law Roger who did not get a hug from his only daughter. While I know that he believes just as I do that Danene is completely healed and with our Heavenly Father, there is still pain. In church this morning I gave him a big hug and thanked him for the card he sent me for father’s day, we both feel the lost of our dearest Danene. Tonight while the kids and I enjoyed a dinner that was a favorite of Danene’s and we where enjoying the Christian music in the background, and Zac said, “We need to do more of this”. He was talking about family time. With the schedule we have had there has not been much time together, with kids going here and there to help a single dad out I’m trying to work full time, and do the work of a great wife and perfect planner, some times just not enough time in the day. Anybody out there willing to vote for 28-hour days, so that I can know that 8 hours of sleep a night is like, all in support say I, “NO, bummer L.

With the summer in full swing, we all need to remember to stop and enjoy each other. Life just seams to go by so fast, and then we say where did time go. I’m going to challenge you all to stop and talk to your neighbors when you see them, ask them how they are doing and then stop and listen to what they have to say. Invite the people that you have wanted to have over (for the last two years) and do it. Stretch your self a little, who cares if your house is just a little dirty. DO IT ANYWAYS. I’m in the process of having my roof replaced and things are a mess, and I had the baseball team over for a year-end party and then two days later another family came over and I had a BBQ. Our kids swam, and we the adults talked with no electronics, TV, or anything to distract us. It was a great time. This was the first time I had people over that where not family (I stretched myself and didn’t break) Please don’t wait for that special time to take place because that may never happen, do let life pass you by.

Two weeks ago My Family and I form a Relay for Life team for the Lodi event. It came together in the last minutes on the Friday before the event. Time had run out because of being so busy, God knew my heart to have a team of my own and with the help of some new friends it came to pass. Our Team is “A FAMILY THAT BELIEVES” which I felt is fitting. It was my birthday and I couldn’t think of a better way to spend it, and it was fitting because of this years theme “Celebrate More Birthdays” again I think that was a God Thing. We had some one walking for just about all 24-hours of the event, Zac did like 70 laps (and stayed all night), and Meghan did over 40 (about 8-miles). Another Friend Kevin walked for 11:30-4:00 and did 70+ laps. I walked between 4-6am (the time Danene’s had walked the last 3-years). And when the sun came up I just stopped and prayed for all the people I know that are battling cancer, and those that are caring for those people. If you would like to make a donation to “Relay Of Life Lodi” and our team follow the link to this site. http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/RelayForLife/RFLFY10CA?team_id=752932&pg=team&fr_id=20443

We will be walking in next year’s event, I have already signed up for it. So talk to me if you would like to be apart of “A FAMILY THAT BELIEVES” as we raise funs for the American Cancer Society.

Lastly our family had the honor of having a story written about us. While it story was about us, I want people to know that it is about our faith in God that helps us endure. Yes it talks about us, I want you all to know that it’s about Christ Jesus Who Strengthens Me and I’m nothing without Him, I’m just a man. Without relationship with my Lord Jesus I would not be who I am, He too can make you complete. If you have a chance please read the article written by my one of my new friends, Jo Ann. She did a great job and I believe she was use by God to give people HOPE when times are tough. Please click on the link or paste it into your address bar and give it a read. http://www.recordnet.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20100620/A_LIFE/6200310 . Have the tissues ready, I went through 8-10 of them.

So in closing please take the time to build those relationships that make life flow smoothly. But please do it in this order, God, Your Spouse, Your Kids, Your Family, And Your Friends and Neighbors. If you get things right with God and live in His will and because you have a relationship with Him, He can use you to make a difference in all of the relationships you have. Don’t get caught up in your own little life, let God live life through you, make life about God. Trust me, the blessing God will give you is real!!!

Love you all.

Danene’s Partner In Life, Matt

Enduring

Well, friends and family, it has been a while since I have made a posting.   My goal is to complete one blog entry a month.  So here it goes.

             The Edalgos are enduring.   The kids have finish school and are on summer break.  This Tuesday, June 1, is going to be a big day for the Edalgos.  Brookside School is having a Memorial to honor Danene.  It takes place at 3:20, at 2962 Brookside Road, Stockton.   The Memorial is open to the public, and both Meghan and I will be speaking. Come out and see our family. We hope to see you all there.   The second grade classes will be planting a tree in Danene’s honor as well.

            It has been four months since Danene went to be with the Lord God Almighty, and I’m sure she is having a great time.  But for us on earth, life is moving forward, and my job is just trying to keep up with the kids.  Sometimes I wish there were thirty hours in a day.  I’m back working full-time (4-days a week), and the household seems to run well.  God has put a masterful plan together to make this transition happen.   Yes, God Is Good All The Time.  For me I miss Danene everyday but I don’t have much time to think about her with all of the activities this family is doing all of the time. That’s probably God’s plan as well.

             Meghan completed 5^th grade, and with the help of family and close friends she completed her “State Report and Project” with a perfect 165 points out of 165 possible points. I think she was the only one to get that score.  Meghan has started piano lessons, and is flying through the first book, often completing 2-3 lessons a week.  I have so much fun when she plays a song and sings along.  Her instructor said, “It’s been a long time since she had a chance to teach someone that is such a quick learner.”  Meghan has a very good ear for music, and I can see her as a praise leader in 4-5 years; she has a real passion for music.  This summer Meghan will begin participating in club soccer.

            Regan completed the 7^th grade.  He had to work really hard.   We had him in several AP classes, but in hindsight we should have had him in regular classes.  However, he did very well; he even made Honor Roll one quarter.  But the high point for him was the first baseball game of the year.  On his second at-bat of the game, the bases were loaded, and he hit a shot down the third-base side to clear the bases with a stand-up double.  It was a very proud moment for this dad and his head coach (ME).   When he walk up to me after the hit I said, “Mom would be so proud of you.” When he came off the field he looked at me and said, “Dad, I did that one for Mom.” Yes, I had to walk away; I was a mess.  Regan is leading the team with RBIs, and has played every inning mostly as catcher.  Most importantly, Regan is just having fun.

            Zac is just doing great; he has grown up so much. Danene would be so proud of him. He has had only one setback.   Just last week he broke his nose again for the third time. He though he could box with his buddies (while wearing his facemask). One of Zac’s buddies sucker-punched him because he had the upper hand against the other.  He made Honor Roll, 3.0+ all four quarters.   He never missed a day of school all year.  He loves high school. This past spring he played badminton and made it to JV-1.  On the day of the league tournament, he was called up to Varsity.  He got his Varsity Letter in his freshman year.  This month Zac starts Driver’s Training and will get his permit.   If you’re in Lodi or Woodbridge nowhere may be safe.

            All in all the Edalgos are enduring, but we are missing Danene everyday.  However, with God’s helper, the Holy Spirit, we endure the tough times. Mother’s Day was toughest for me.  I just kept thinking that the kids need to have a mom.  Then I was reminded of the following Scripture. Psalm 68: 3-5. (3) But may the righteous be glad and rejoice before God: may they be happy and joyful. (4) Sing to God, sing praise to his name, extol him who rides on the clouds—his name is the Lord— and rejoice before him. (5) A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.

God is doing that for this family; we are enduring, but it’s because we are choosing to make our lives about serving God no matter where it takes us. The Edalgos will remain in his service and move forward serving the Great I AM, God Almighty and His Son Jesus Christ.

Danene’s Partner In Life, Matt.

The Dream

Hello Friends and Family,

I have had a very tough time over the past ten days or so.  It started with God placing on my heart to do some writing for the blog because writing provides me healing along the way.   It started okay, but I was all over the map with emotion and pain.  I began week ago last Saturday night at 11:00 and didn’t stop writing until about 4:00 the next morning.  I wrote a lot of good stuff, but there is more to write to complete that series of blogs.  However, that was only the beginning of the tough time.

About a year to eighteen months before Danene was diagnosed with kidney cancer, her second cousin, Sharon, was also diagnosed with kidney cancer.   Sharon’s fight with this retched disease has taken a different path from that of Danene, and a week ago Sunday I found out that Sharon is not doing so well.  Sharon was unable to come to Danene’s Celebration of Life service because she was recovering from a surgery (the cancer had shown up in her pancreas).  The latest news was that the cancer came back in other areas, the pancreas and now the lungs.  This news has brought back painful memories for me.  Please be praying for Sharon as she starts on a new path of treatment soon.  I don’t know what type of relationship Sharon had with Jesus when all of this started, but I do know, and she has shared with other family members, that whatever the outcome she is secure in her future with Jesus.  I pray that through her fight others may come to know Jesus just as people have come to know Christ through Danene’s fight.

Everywhere I went this past week I had reminders of my wife; a card she wrote, a picture of her in my office, and note in my lunchbox.  After receiving the news of Sharon, I hurt.  Last Saturday night I wanted to do more writing, but I felt that I needed to spend time with Zac, which was good for both of us.  I went to bed at 12:00 after falling asleep in the recliner; I was awakened by a dream of Danene.  She looked so good; she was whole, healthy, and had a smile that could light up a room.  For those of you who knew her, you know that to be true. I asked Danene a question, “What are you doing here?”  She answered, “I have been given a second chance on life, and I will tell you more about it later.”  With that Danene smiled, and then I woke up.  I was troubled by this dream and for the next two hours I was awake in bed, thinking about what all this meant.  As I listened to her IPod, I thought about the dream.  While I’m not Joseph from the Bible (Genesis 37, and that’s what Pastor Larry spoke about this Sunday morning), I do have an interpretation of the dream.  Let me tell you more details about this dream.

I was driving a truck up a road, and it was raining to the point that I couldn’t see the pavement.  It was dark and then light, then the rain stopped.  The next thing I know, I was driving off road into the mountains, bouncing over rocks and boulders and plowing through the mud. Then I came to a stop, with wrecks and crashed vehicles everywhere.  I got out of the truck and walked to the top of the hill. I heard worship music and there were people all around; it looked like a church picnic, but it was not an ordinary church gathering; it was God’s Church and this scene could be in Heaven.  That’s when I saw Danene.  We walked for just a little while (not saying anything), sat down, and were singing the worship song when I asked her my question.   She gave me a smile and answered, and then pointed to God, the one we were there for.   It was as if Danene wanted me to keep my eyes on God.   So here goes the interpretation of the dream.

The drive and road travelled is the journey we call life.  We travel this path alone, with rain, sunshine, wrecks, crashes, rocks, and mud (and yes, we do get dirty) and then we walk to the top of the hill. Danene has traveled this road.  The second chance in life is this; that we have a chance of Everlasting Life, but only when we have a relationship with the Living God and His Son Jesus Christ.  But we need to be focused on Jesus.  If we make this relationship the priority we don’t need to travel this road alone.  Jesus is there to guide us and direct our path if we allow him. Please don’t lose sight of the prize which is eternity with Jesus in Heaven.  Remember the Scripture I referenced in my last blog, Matthew 6:33; don’t just seek Jesus first, but seek HIS RIGHTOUSNESS, also.  Then read the promise in verse 34.

Join me in the journey of life and be focused on Jesus, and you too will see your loved ones that have gone before you.  I know that I will get to see Danene someday and until that day comes, as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.

There are two songs that I have listened to a number of times.  The first one is Matthew West’s, “Save a Place for Me”.   The song that helped put these thoughts together this morning is by Mercy Me, “Homesick”.   Please take the time to listen to the words of these songs that help me get through this journey called life.  

You will hear from me soon with other blogs as God directs me because life is not about me, it’s about God.

Danene’s partner in life, Matt.

What Would You Do If?

Hey all,

It’s been five weeks since my loving wife Danene went home to be with our Lord Jesus Christ.  This time I want to speak just to the guys.  What Would You Do If?

Hey guys.  What would you do if you had to wash, dry and style your wife’s hair because she was unable to do it?  Would you know which side to part it on or how much gel to put in it before you dried it?  Could you dry her hair and use a curling iron?  Would you even know how?   If you needed to put on her make-up, could you do it? Could you pick out her clothes and make them match?  I am going to challenge each of you to sit and watch your wife get ready to go somewhere like church, work, or out to dinner on a date night.

I was able to sit and watch my wife get ready on many occasions over the past twenty-two years; the last time was January 16.  Danene often asked me, “What are you doing?”  I would say, “Watching the woman that God gave me.”   I no longer get to watch her anymore, but I can close my eyes and see her getting ready, over and over again, as if it were yesterday.  I was given the opportunity to bath, wash, dry, style, dress, and care for my wife during the last days of her life.  God gave me the chance to live out my Wedding Vows in sickness and health.  I got to love her when she was healthy, and was given the privilege to love and care for her when she was sick, and she let me.  I may have not been able to do everything just like she would have, but she loved me enough to give me the opportunity.  Danene could have asked someone else, but she wanted me to help.  It was an honor for me to be able to care for her.

Guys, do you know just what makes your wife tick?  Take the time to stop, look, and hear what those things are (and smell the roses along the way).  One activity Danene loved was going on drives anywhere.   I was able to take my wife on a drive in the country just a few days before she passed away, January 26, I think.  Although there had been many rainy days, that day was sunny.  The drive wasn’t long, but it was an outing she needed so she could say goodbye.  The sun was shining in her hair and face, and this trip she did not fall asleep the moment we left Woodbridge, like she normally did.  We drove through the country holding hands like we had hundreds of time before, but this time it was just a little different. I didn’t know it then, but she was saying her goodbyes.  Can you remember the first time you ever held your wife’s hand?   Our first time was when we went roller-skating as chaperones for church kids.  A week later on our first date, we went to see Out of Africa, and I remember her asking, “Why did you ask if you could hold my hand?” My response was, “I didn’t want to offend you.”

 Saturday, January 30, was another sunny afternoon, and I made a way so Danene could to go in her wheelchair on a walk in our neighborhood.  I had installed an oxygen tank directly to the chair so we would not have to drag around the tank separately.  This walk she wanted to be with her mom and Meghan.  However, after Meghan almost crashed Danene’s wheelchair, Velma took over.  Meghan ran back home mad (I think this was a God thing).  It was a time for Velma and Danene to enjoy each other.  It wasn’t a long walk, but Danene was saying goodbye to the neighborhood that she loved.   Later Zac and I were working in the garage, and she wanted to sit in the driveway and enjoy the sun.  She was saying goodbye to the view we enjoyed so often when we would sit and talk while the kids played out front.  She rested there watching Zac work on his bike, and as I helped him, she just smiled. Danene started to get cold so I took her inside.

I don’t quite know why I needed to write down these memories.  Maybe it was a way for me to heal a little, but I just felt compelled to do it. Guys, “Don’t Wait Until It Is Too Late To Learn What It Is That Makes Your Wife Happy”.  Just Do It.  Don’t say “What Would You Do If?”  I was given a gift from God for a short time. “Danene was that gift.”  You, too, have been given a gift, “Your Wife”.  Love her with each breath you breathe, and cherish her.  I will get to see my wife again because I have been given the greatest gift of all which Danene and I both accepted.  “Jesus Is That Gift.”  Don’t let Jesus out of your sight.   But Seek Ye First The Kingdom Of God And His Righteousness, And All These Things Shall Be Added Unto You. Matt 6:33

Danene's Partner in Life, Matt

"A Friend's Thought About Danene"

Hello Friends and Family.
      It's been just a little over a month since my loving wife Danene went home to be with the Lord. A very close family friend wrote the following and I wanted to share it with you all, this touched my heart and I think it may touch your heart as well. Love you all, and thank you for lifting our family up to God during this time.
Danene's Partner in Life, Matt.

Mourning the Loss of Danene

God desires that we manifest His Kingdom here on earth. Janis “Danene” Edalgo was true to this call as a daughter, wife, mother, family member, teacher and friend. Now she joins God’s Kingdom “as it is in heaven.” Danene will be dearly missed by those of us who remain behind –for a time.

It is a challenge to consider something beyond our loss. We know Danene is better off with her Savior, but our emotions want her back. We tell ourselves that God is sovereign, and “all things work together for good,” but our hearts cry, “No!” While we do not understand the timing, nonetheless, there is comfort to be found. Our God is well acquainted with our sorrow and offers hope – if we are willing to receive it.

We are promised that in His presence is “fullness of joy” and “pleasures for evermore.” Danene recognized the surpassing value of God’s presence over all else this life has to offer. If we believe what Danene believed, we must conclude that her life was not tragically “cut short,” but rather “more abundantly” fulfilled. If we trust what God has said, the gain to His Kingdom outweighs our temporary loss. Right now, Danene is experiencing “joy unspeakable” in the presence of her Lord. She joins friends and family who have preceded us. Our Lord loves her more than we possibly can. Others like Louis, Florence, Oliver and Pearl love her too. Would we deny her this reunion merely to delay our grief that is only temporary?

Perhaps had Danene been an unbeliever or spiritually immature, our gracious God would have extended her time here. But Danene had accomplished what God had set out for her to do; successful helpmate, nurturing mother, gifted instructor, and our sister in Christ. But the ultimate proof that she was ready to go Home was her finish. The worse it got, the more determined Danene was to testify of her Savior. 

It is hard to accept that God uses hardship to impress on us what is truly important. Someone once said, “Heaven is a prepared place for a prepared people.” Do we really believe that going to be with Him is better than this life? Danene would say, “His loving kindness is better than life.” She finished strong. Will we?

Yes, we grieve. But let us grieve righteously and keep before us the goal of joining Danene along with so many other friends and loved ones who have preceded us into the presence of the One who has won the victory over death.

“Wherefore the rather, brethren, give diligence to make your calling and election sure: for if ye do these things, ye shall never fall.”  2 Peter 1:10

More to come.

Dear Friends and Family. I will be sharing with you the last weeks of Danene's life. I will share what we went through, how “God Showed Her Compassion and Mercy” during her death. “How God’s Plan is Perfect”. “How a Loving Wife Completed Her Husband”. From my heart as a husband “Are You Loving Your Wife” and “What Would You Do…If, Would You Know”. If God calls me to write more I will let myself be lead to do so.

I love you all and thankful for the prayers and encouragements you all have showed our family and my loving wife Danene.

Please come with me as the journey continues. With God’s Help  the Edalgo’s will Endure.

In Gods Service, Matt

Not the End, But just the beginning of Life Everlasting with Christ

Remembering

Janis "Danene" Edalgo

 

Janis “Danene” Edalgo, 46 of Woodbridge went home to be with Jesus on Sunday, January 31, 2010.  A native of Lodi she was born February 10, 1963 and graduated from Lodi High as part of the class of 1981.  Danene furthered her education with a Bachelors of Arts degree in Education from Oral Roberts University in 1985, began teaching for the Lincoln Unified School District in 1985, and for the last 14 years has taught at Brookside Elementary School in Stockton.

She is survived by her husband, Matthew Edalgo of Woodbridge, three children, Zac, Regan and Meghan Edalgo all of Woodbridge, her parents, Roger and Velma Stafford of Lodi, two brothers Rev. Rodney Stafford (Molly) of Portland, Oregon and Dr. Gary Stafford (Cynthia) of Pleasanton, CA. her parents-in-law, Ralph and Beverly Edalgo of Lodi, Brothers-in-law Mike and Mark Edalgo both of Stockton and sister-in-law Patty Edalgo of Lodi as well as many nieces, nephews, great nieces and nephews.

Danene had a passion for her Lord, family and children. She attended Bethel Open Bible Church throughout her life.  One of her favorite ministries was discipling 6th graders through the church Cross Training program.  She taught young couples how to build stronger families through the Growing Kids God’s Way program. She was involved with Operation Christmas Child that is part of the Samaritan’s Purse. She was an active participant in the Relay For Life of Lodi.  Danene loved her family and became the epitome of a soccer mom, although her involvement also included football, softball, swimming, baseball and cheerleading.

A celebration of her life will be held on Saturday, February 6, 2010 at 10:00 AM at the Bethel Open Bible Church 760 S. Ham Lane Lodi.   Inurnment will be private at Cherokee Memorial Park.

In lieu of flowers, donations may be made in her name to Relay For Life of Lodi, Shoeboxes to: Samaritan’s Purse P.O. Box 801 Bamboo Rd. Boone, NC 28607 or to the Trust Fund established for the benefit of the children, a Fidelity Scholar Share 529 Plan has been established, checks should be made payable to “FA 529 Plan”.  In the memo section please indicate Edalgo. Please mail your contribution to Gary LaMusga, The LaMusga Co, 1280 Civic Drive, #210, Walnut Creek, CA 94596 or call 925-287-1567.

Marathon Days

Dear Friends and Family,

A lot has happened since I last blogged with you.  I am still home from the hospital after my stay for
shortness of breath and the problems we found in my lungs.  However, I have quite a fight ahead of me.  It has not been easy physically, mentally or in any other way.  I started out well, living within the guidelines of my new diet, mostly diabetic due to the steroid I am on.  Then, about 4 days later, everything hit the wall.  I started to have no appetite, began to grow weak, and was not sleeping at night at all.  We realized later that I should have already been tapering off of the steroids, but had not been given any orders from the hospital, so was on a higher dose for about a week longer that I should have been.  We visited the cardiologist, who assured us things did not look worse, but had not really improved.  We also found out that one of the meds I had in the hospital would not be available to me unless I had a catheter put in to measure the pressure of the backup in my lungs.  (Since then, it did get approved for 90 days, so will not need that catheter yet.  This med should help open the blood vessels so they can help spread the oxygen a little better.)

On Thursday, we traveled to UCSF, which in retrospect, we realized we should not have gone, as it totally wore me out, and then I managed to press the wrong button when I got out of the car, and we were locked out with all of our stuff in it, and it was still running. No Onstar, so Matt hauled me in for my blood test, then upstairs to the appointment.  I had not eaten yet, and all of the insulin and stuff we needed to check my blood sugar was locked in the car.  God is good, in that there was a locksmith right across the street from the hospital, and he was available.  Then, we had not brought enough cash, so Matt couldn't park in the lot, so he had to find a handicapped spot three blocks away.  Back up to me; check the blood sugar and get a shot; choke down a sandwich; be ready to meet with everyone there.  By the time the fellow and the good doctor walked in the door, we were ready to leave.  We were exhausted, and could have handled the appointment over the phone.  Really, no new news other that what I had gone through in the hospital.  Well, one big piece of news is that they have pulled me off all chemo.  They cannot discount that it is contributing to the problems, so I am done for the short term.  They also wanted us to know that the cancer, and what it happening in my lungs are connected.  I had thought of them as two things, and once the one was taken care of, we could move onto the other.  Not so.  They are connected, and the one in my lungs just may be one that I may not beat.  While we continue to fight, the fight could be too much.

On Friday, we were in Dr. Duncan's office as I just couldn't take it anymore.  The steroids they put me on don't allow me to sleep, and actually give me huge bouts of anxiety.  I was having problems eating, then swallowing.  So, at first, they put me on Ambien, so I could sleep, then realized that Ambien and the steroid work against each other, so I didn't sleep at all.  So they put me on Soroquel, which really seemed to help me sleep, until I realized I was having a horrible time swallowing, literally chewing my food to a pulp, and still not able to choke it down.  So they took me off the Soroquel, which is known to cause this, and put me on Ativan, another anti-anxiety drug.  Hopefully this one will help me be calm through the night so Matt and I can sleep.  He is up with me helping me with the bathroom, and any other little thing I need in the night.  But that means he doesn't sleep much either.

Since the appointment with Dr. Duncan, I now have a hospital bed, a wheelchair, and a commode, which I do use.  I'm doing my best to eat and get my strength back, but it had been the hardest thing I have done yet.  It is literally hour to hour, most days.

We have been blessed by all of the meals that have been prepared and dropped off, as well as the fact that many of you are waiting in the wings for your turn.  Matt's mom and dad have been at the house almost everyday, as well as my RN sister-in-law, who have all helped in many humbling ways.  My brother and his children have been here, I talk to my aunt in Texas regularly, and my brother from Portland flew down to spend a few days with us.  But best of all was when my parents walked in the door after being gone 38 days.

We have prepared our family for the fact that anything could happen at this point.  Have we given up?  NO!  We know that our mighty God can choose to heal at any moment.  We also know that healing might take place in Heaven.

I ask that you continue to pray for my family, for Matt and endurance, wisdom, and rest for him, and that we will get the meds figured out and I will be able to tolerate them.  This includes eating, working through the anxiety that sets in at any moment, and the enormous amount of strength it takes just to go to the bathroom, or the marathon it feels like I've run just to take a shower.  I have a long ways to go, but am trying to stand firmly on the promises in the Word,

Join me there,
Danene
January 24,2010

Home Again

Dear Friends,

I am home.   As you know from my last blog, I was in the hospital for awhile.  We thought it would be just a few days, but I ended up being there 10 days.  I came home on Friday evening ready to see my family, and bringing a lot of baggage with me.

As you know, the shadings in my lungs turned out to be some kind of pulmonary infection.  They are treating it with steroids, which affect my blood sugar, so Matt and I check my insulin before every meal.  So far, I have been within the guidelines and have not had to have a single injection since coming home!  My diet is now a low salt, low sugar, low carb diet, which is good for me but is a challenge to plan, and so on.  I apparently lost a lot of weight wihle in the hospital, so am working on maintaining that, but still trying to learn to eat differently and get in all of the little meals I need to allow for the blood sugar changes.

I have an oxygen tank here and a LONG length of hose that has the run of the house with me.  I still have moments of fear at not getting deep enough breaths, but I am working through those, and realizing it is okay to be afraid, just not to fall into the depths of that fear and stay there.  Matt has been a rock in this area with me, supporting me and encouraging me.  I also take breathing treatments every 6 hours.  We skipped one since I got home, and we realized that can not happen, as I really did need it.  I am still fighting a bit of a cough, which is aggravating and sometimes clogs me up, so the treatments really help open me up.

We have some friends who have loaned us a recliner that we set up in our front room, and this is bed at night for now.  I still cannot lie flat as I feel a pressure on my chest and heart and it makes it harder to breathe.  But this chair is very comfortable and is working very well for me.  The pulmonary specialist says that this whole process will possibly take up to two to three months before it may be healed, so this is a long road ahead.  I think I am getting stronger each day, and probably will not need the oxygen for that entire amount of time, but will stay on the steroids and many other drugs they are finding necessary.

I see the cardiologist on Wednesday for an update on my heart and on the medications she has placed me on, then Matt and I will go to UCSF on Thursday to meet with the oncologists.  That will be the first time we will havae spoken to them since my hospital stay, although my other doctors have been in contact with them somewhat.  We have a lot of questions to ask and pieces to try and place together.

I want you to know just how overwhelmed and blessed Matt and I and our kids have felt by all of your help and encouraging words.  Many of you have sent cards, stopped by with meals or treats, called to check up on what you could help with, and many came to see me or called at the hospital.  We are blessed.  Matt's parents have been here regularly, as has my RN nurse sister-in-law, who would not leave until she was sure we knew what we were up against and how to check my insulin, give the shots (Matt practiced on an orange!), and had meals for my new diet under control.  God has blessed us with her training, her merciful heart, and her availablity.  It is very hard to be beholden to others, even family, but God is working on my heart in this area.  Please know how thankful we are for each of you, and that we treasure and lean on your prayers.

Danene and Family
January17, 2010

From The Hospital Room

Dear Friends and Family,


It’s been quite awhile since I last blogged, as I look back on the last entry. Since then, Matt and I have been to UCSF to meet with Dr. Ryan and to go over blood tests and the results of my scans. The scans showed that the meds are working to contain the cancer as there was no additional growth on any of the nodules in my lungs, and the soft mass in my lower abdomen is showing signs of being necrotic (dying). This is wonderful news!

The day after we got back from that appointment, I had the day off of work, and found myself unable to breathe deeply if I moved around at all. I spent most of the day in the recliner, and finally called Matt, who suggested I call the cardiologist. They immediately suggested I go to the ER, so my good friend Kimberley dropped everything and drove me there where Matt eventually met us. My pulmonary pressure is twice what it should be, which is a large cause of my breathlessness. They did another echocardiogram and gave me a deep breathing treatment. I was admitted to the hospital and met with a pulmonary specialist, who gave me a bronchioscopy the Thursday morning, which meant he went in through my nose into my lungs, cleaned out the gook, and took several biopsies of the spider-webby areas at the base of my lung lobes. He thought this went very well with little bleeding. I am having deep breathing treatments every 6 hours, which are really helping my ability to breathe more deeply and to control my breathing without panting as much. The next morning the specialist stopped by and he had called the lab for a preliminary path report and the biopsies showed NO CANCER! They are just a form of broncialitis or an inflammation of the lungs. So they are treating it with large doses of steroids that they are already gradually tapering off. The side effects of the steroids affect my blood sugar, so I have it checked four times a day, and have a small dose of insulin each time depending on the level of the sugar. (I think of you often, Kent.) I’m still here at Lodi Memorial, and will probably be here for a few more days until they get things stabilized a little more and have a better plan of attack for when I go home. The steroids will need to continue for up to three months, as well as breathing treatments and oxygen, so there will still be a long road to travel when I finally get home, with lots of unknowns for now. I have taken a week by week leave from school for now, until I know the long term of what I am up against. Each day is a little different, some going very well, and some filled with fear and anxiety. I am learning to turn to the Bible, to cry out to Jesus, and to lose myself in worship music on my iPod during those moments. God has delivered me many a time from the brink of despair. I find myself missing my children, who are not allowed to visit me. My sister-in-law, in her infinite wisdom and deeply caring heart, bought journals for the kids and me so we can write letters back and forth to each other. This has turned out to be a fun and creative way to stay in touch and be as real as possible with each other.

I realize I have rambled a lot with this blog, but this is where I am for now in this journey with cancer. It has taken some turns that were unexpected, but I am getting the help I need. And in the midst of it all is some good news that the cancer is somewhat under control. We are surrounded by caring and helpful family and friends that have completely overwhelmed us with their help and desire to step in and do anything at all. We have had people pick up and deliver kids, bring meals, clean house, drop off baked goods, and just call with words of encouragement and wisdom. And we are thankful. We are thankful for all of your prayers, and ask that they continue. Pray in whatever way the Lord lays on your heart. We will keep you updated as we can and as we know more.

Danene and Matt and Kids