Back to Work

Hi, Friends,

This past Monday saw me back at work as a teacher in my second grade classroom. The kids greeted me with big hugs and warm hearts. My job-share partner and my long-term sub have done a wonderful job with this class, as they showed me through their behavior and learning throughout the day.

It was hard to go back in the sense that I would love to be a stay-at-home mom, but everything went well and I was able to step right back in and pick up most of what I needed to do. There are some things that are new to this year that will take me awhile to adjust to and learn.

I felt good at the end of the day, and actually didn't feel the effects of a full day on my feet until it was time to climb the stairs to our bedroom. Then the spots on my feet felt swollen and burning, and my throat was tight and hot. These are both side effects of the medication that I have felt before and expected. So far, in addition to those side effects, I just started getting the burning on my tongue that keeps me from eating citrus and spicy or acidic foods. I also found out, when I got my hair cut yesterday, that my hair is growing out white from the roots. So...this is not necessarily an effect I want to happen! (Although I'll take that over losing my hair.)

I have eight days left on this second round of medication. Then, on January 22nd, Matt and I will return to UCSF, where I will have chest, abdominal, and pelvic CAT scans, then later that morning meet with the urologic oncologist for the results of the scans as well as those from the presentation to the Tumor Board, then a surgeon to get his opinion on whether or not he thinks the mass still on my right side should be removed. Overall, we are anxious to have these meetings to know if the medication has worked, and what the immediate future will look like for me.

I've had so many people comment on my attitude throughout this whole experience. I want to share with you something that I read in my devotional book, Praying Through Cancer, that so perfectly put into words how I feel. Susan Eggerich (from Love & Respect Ministries) said, "I I knew it was God's will that I give thanks in all things, but this didn't feel like something for which to be thankful. That's when I learned about a sacrifice of praise. Each time I offered a sacrifice of praise, I knew I was honoring God, even though my circumstances did not always change. This isn't about feelings but about obedience." This is my goal, to have my feelings catch up with my obedience, so that my heart truly honors God, even when I don't know how all of this will end up. Once again, it's all about trust.

Thanks for your continued prayers, Danene
January 7, 2009