Catching Fireflies

Hello, My Friends,

Since we last shared time, I have started a second round of the chemos I am on.  I don't get a break in between rounds, as I did with the Sutent, but they are still considered rounds.

I have experienced some interesting side effects with these two drugs, and the lack of some I have had before.  About two weeks ago, I broke out in a rash from head to toe, red and raised and blotchy.  I was a sight to behold.  Around my neck, it looked like I had been sunburned.  And when I went to get my bimonthly blood draw, the nurse had to go by touch to find the vein as my arm was so blotchy she couldn't see the veins.  Since then it has almost all gone away.  I still have a few spots and occasional itching, but overall it has passed.  Amazingly, the kids in my class did not say anything about it or ask questions.  I don't know why, as they couldn't have missed it!  I do not have any signs of hand-foot syndrome, as I did before.  How thankful I am as I walk pain free!

I have had a couple of sores in my mouth along the side of my tongue and in the back of my throat.  At my appointment, the dentist was able to smooth a tooth that kept catching on the sores, and that helped tremendously.  My hygienist also gave me something to put on top of it that would help it not hurt while I ate.  She was wonderfully patient with me during my teeth cleaning.  I have not had any problems with my tongue, as I did on Sutent, so I am not overly limited with what I can eat now, as far as spices, acids, etc.

A new experience is how these meds affect my appetite.  It is very sporadic.  I can be very hungry, then start to eat and fill up quickly.  Other times I am not hungry at all, or nothing sounds good, so I have a hard time eating.  Pretty much, I have lost all of the weight from being off the chemo for that month, and a little bit more.  From my highest moment to now, 25 pounds total.  I had bought a new pair of pants, as I do not have many pairs for the winter.  I took them to my mom's to be shortened, and when I put them on, they no longer fit-very sloppy.  Oh well!

I also find that I tire out much more easily.  This is even more so because of the dreaded cough.  I also seem to have aquired a cold, which has settled in my chest.  The doctor put me on an antibiotic in hopes that it will not turn into anything else.  I cannot get in to see the cardiologist until January 7th, so I will not have any answers as to being short of breath until then.  Please continue to pray that the cough will begin to go away and that I will sleep at night without the feeling that my chest is heavy.

Last weekend, my mom and I were able to attend the Women of Faith's "It's a Grand New Day" in Sacramento.  We went with some lovely ladies from our church.  What a delightful time we had listening to Christian women make us laugh and think and sing.  The first speaker was the dynamic and funny Patsy Clairmont.  Towards the end of her turn, she shared that she has many fireflies in her life-those who bring moments of brightness in times of darkness.  I want to share with you some of the fireflies who have brightened my life in the past few weeks of traveling through side effects and fatigue.  When I first walked in to school sporting my lovely new rash, I showed it to the two ladies who run the office...and the school.  Not a pretty sight, but one looked at me and said, "Danene, we think you are beautiful."  I can't tell you how much that meant to me at that very moment.  Since then, more colleagues than I can count have taken me aside to offer me a break in my class, to cover my yard duty, to spell me for a few minutes so I can catch my breath, just to let me know they care and are there for me.  I have a very limited number of days for the year to use as sick days, so I am very selective in using them, and my collegues know that.  What a comfort to know that if I just need a few moments, friends are there.  What bright moments of light these fireflies have brought me.

I know that there are more fireflies in my life.  In fact, if I was collecting, I believe I would have shelves full of jars full of fireflies who have brightened my days.  Do you have fireflies in your life that you need to recognize and thank?  And even more, can you be a firefly to someone else who is having a dark moment?  This is a challenge to me, too.  Find someone and be a bright light to them this week.

Glowing,
Danene
December 13, 2009