Hello, Friends!
I am two nights away from finishing this third round of chemo, and only through God's grace and your prayers have I made it thus far. The side effects set in on day two of the meds, and pretty much have not let up since then. I have avoided the hard spots on the bottoms of my feet by curling my toes or walking on the outsides of my feet, and now those places have hard callouses, too. My hands are very sensitive to heat, and remain sore most of the time. I have a sore throat, I think because the meds tend to dry me out, but no sores in my mouth. The bottom of my scar still is not healing because of the meds, so is sensitive as it is right at my waist and rubs on my waistband. And then there is the silver in my hair and my eyebrows. Well, that will take some time to get used to! But I will say that through all of this, I am reminded that God has brought me thus far.
I keep referring to 'thus far' as this is a main focus in the Bible study I am a part of on Tuesday mornings. We are studying the life of David in II Samuel. David was living in a beautiful palace, while the Ark of the Covenant was housed in a tent, and this really bothered David. He wanted to build a beautiful house for the Ark, but God said that instead He would establish a house for David. David's response was, "Who am I, O Sovereign Lord, and what is my family, that you have brought me thus far?"
I often think, 'Who am I, Lord, that you want me? That you love me and my family?' I want to become a person only God could make. I want to not just feel better but feel free; not just released but relieved; not just adjusted but transformed. I want God to accomplish something 'so far' that people will look at me and my family and say, "It had to be God!" So I guess that means that I do not focus on the cancer and the chemo and its side effects, but on the cross. If I don't keep my focus there, then it would be too easy for the enemy to talk me into believing that God is not good and does not have my best interests in mind.
So, my friends, please continue to pray for me. Pray for a work in my life, no matter what it involves or what the end result is, that will cause others to question how far God has brought me. Then pray I will have the boldness to share with them His saving grace.
Matt and I will go to San Francisco on March 15th, and on March 16th I will have laparoscopic surgery to remove my right adrenal gland and a small, attached mass. We will only be there one night, if all goes well. We welcome your prayers for the doctors, for me, for my family, and for a chance to share with others how God has already brought me 'thus far'.
Danene - February 24, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Friday, January 23, 2009
UCSF's Results
Dear Friends and Family,
First of all, let me tell you how good it feels to know that I have so many friends and family to refer to, and to know how many of you care and pray for me. I am thankful.
Matt and I were up at 4:45am on Thursday to begin our trip to UCSF. (In the future we will take the advice of some good friends and will spend the night before over there so we don't have to get up quite so early.) We arrived a little early, and the staff at the lab was gracious and took me early for my scans. After a little breakfast in the hospital cafe, and a little people watching in the lobby, we headed for our appointments with the doctor and surgeon, only to sit and wait for quite awhile. We finally got into a room, and once again met with a 'fellow', this time named Adam. (I took special note as I felt badly that I couldn't remember the name of the last 'fellow'.) After he met with the doctor, they both joined Matt and me and we had a chance to actually see my scans from the morning, which fortunately they understood because even with his explanations, I could only pick out certain things. I did get to see what the mass looks like and where it is in my body-all quite strange! He had only received the radiologist's report on my chest scan, so we will not know the details on the abdominal and pelvic reports until Monday, when I can call and get copies sent.
So here is the news:
First of all, there are no new areas of cancer that could be seen, saving the possibility of one lymph node somewhere in the vicinity of my lower/middle chest. It appears to be slightly enlarged and suspicious, but without the radiologist's report they are hesitant to say much. The mass on my right adrenal gland is still the same size but is dying from the inside out, much like an apple that looks normal on the outside but it rotten at the core. The four spots on my lungs are still there, but two of them are smaller by as much as half. So all of this means that the medication is working. This is good.
While the mass is dying, I would need to stay on the medication indefinitely until either the mass went away completely, or my body could no longer tolerate the medication. This would not be good. When the surgeon joined us, he agreed that it would be for my best that we remove the mass. As we were talking about this, he was doing the timing in his head that I would need to be off the meds for two weeks prior, and I've already been off one...and I realized that he was thinking this could happen in another week's time! Well, needless to say, I had a moment of panic before I could find my voice and respectfully request that we wait until after Matt's outages at work and until my parents return from their yearly trip to Hawaii. So, here is the plan we came up with. I will go on the medication for one more round of 28 days, then following the 14 days off, I will have surgery (on Monday, March 16th at 7:30am) to remove the mass and my right adrenal gland. (There was a little confusion as to whether I still have my other adrenal gland. Matt and I thought it was removed with the kidney and tumor, but the pathology report does not specifically mention it, so they will be calling 'Peter' (Garbeff) to check, as with the removal of the second adrenal gland, I will need to immediately go on steriods for adrenal gland replacement therapy, something I will need to take everyday for the rest of my life.) The surgeon felt that, barring something showing up on the radiologist's report that is unexpected, he should be able to remove the gland and the mass laprosopically with four small holes. Wow! While he is in there, he will also try to get a look at that suspicious lymph gland, and should it need removal, he would make a small incision straight down from my current scar and remove it and any others he deems necessary. So overall, my recovery with this surgery should be shorter and a little easier, making it possible for me to return to work before the end of the year.
After the surgery, I would need to go back on the medication for two more rounds, then have the scans again, and should the results show no more growths or suspicious areas, I would be able to try going off of the meds, which is our ultimate goal. I'm not looking forward to further experiences with the Sutent as it was harder on my body this past round, and will cumulatively get that way with each successive round. Dr. Ryan did ask how I was doing and what the side effects were that I experienced, and then was able to give me some information that will help me in the future, as well as his nurse's number, as the nurse, Jay, knows all about Sutent and its side effects, and has many helps that he can offer me. In Dr. Ryan's words, I should call instead of 'suffering at home alone.' Some of the things sound funky, but make a lot of sense. For instance, one of the side effects is Hand and Foot Disease, which I had, that begins with your hands and bottoms of feet turning red and painful, preceding peeling and blistering. Heat hurts the hands, and it becomes painful to grasp things, and the feet feel hot and painful to walk on. According to the good doctor, what is happening is that the medication is sweating out through the hands and feet. So one suggestion that has worked for many is to put deoderant on the bottoms of the feet! Jay also has some 'cocktail' concoction that should help the tightness and dryness in my throat that made swallowing so painful towards the end. All of the side effects, and many ways to try to combat them, were on a handout that he gave me, which I wish I would have had before as it basically listed every single one of them I have experienced. No more guessing if things are just me or are side effects. And yes, changing of hair color is one of them, as is evidenced by the increasing white at my roots. So is bloating, which I just experienced this week when my hands and face became swollen, and those new jeans I so enjoyed buying in that new smaller size suddenly were a little too tight. (Okay, so that was a little personal, but is the way it is!)
Right now, I have been off of the meds for a week, and my tongue just quit its burning, so my family will enjoy my cooking with spice and texture for the next week before I start the next cycle. I am slowly feeling better in other ways, like less pain when I walk, and bending over without the pulling from the bottom of my scar (which is attacked each time because the meds attack the newest cells, and my scar had not completely healed at the bottom before I started the first round of Sutent, so it gets scabby and very sore each time I am on the meds. Argh!) I am enjoying my class at school, and getting back into the routine of teaching and being with the kids. It was hard to share with them this morning that I will be going back on the medication, then having another surgery, then on the meds again. They were hoping that the cancer would be gone, and that we would have reason for a party. I assured them that although the time is not yet here, there will be a time we will throw a pary, and they will certainly be invited!
A friend of mine named Ashley shared with me something that I go back to frequently. Often cancer is referred to as the 'big C'. Well, my friends, it can only be a 'little c' to those of us who walk with Christ, as He is our 'Big C'. That certainly puts this journey in perspective. I want to stand on the promises that the Big C brings to my life, rather than letting the little c take over.
Thank you for all of your prayers, hugs, phone calls, and caring words for me and for my family. I am blessed by each of you and cherish the fact that there are so many of you. Please continue.
Danene
January 23, 2009
First of all, let me tell you how good it feels to know that I have so many friends and family to refer to, and to know how many of you care and pray for me. I am thankful.
Matt and I were up at 4:45am on Thursday to begin our trip to UCSF. (In the future we will take the advice of some good friends and will spend the night before over there so we don't have to get up quite so early.) We arrived a little early, and the staff at the lab was gracious and took me early for my scans. After a little breakfast in the hospital cafe, and a little people watching in the lobby, we headed for our appointments with the doctor and surgeon, only to sit and wait for quite awhile. We finally got into a room, and once again met with a 'fellow', this time named Adam. (I took special note as I felt badly that I couldn't remember the name of the last 'fellow'.) After he met with the doctor, they both joined Matt and me and we had a chance to actually see my scans from the morning, which fortunately they understood because even with his explanations, I could only pick out certain things. I did get to see what the mass looks like and where it is in my body-all quite strange! He had only received the radiologist's report on my chest scan, so we will not know the details on the abdominal and pelvic reports until Monday, when I can call and get copies sent.
So here is the news:
First of all, there are no new areas of cancer that could be seen, saving the possibility of one lymph node somewhere in the vicinity of my lower/middle chest. It appears to be slightly enlarged and suspicious, but without the radiologist's report they are hesitant to say much. The mass on my right adrenal gland is still the same size but is dying from the inside out, much like an apple that looks normal on the outside but it rotten at the core. The four spots on my lungs are still there, but two of them are smaller by as much as half. So all of this means that the medication is working. This is good.
While the mass is dying, I would need to stay on the medication indefinitely until either the mass went away completely, or my body could no longer tolerate the medication. This would not be good. When the surgeon joined us, he agreed that it would be for my best that we remove the mass. As we were talking about this, he was doing the timing in his head that I would need to be off the meds for two weeks prior, and I've already been off one...and I realized that he was thinking this could happen in another week's time! Well, needless to say, I had a moment of panic before I could find my voice and respectfully request that we wait until after Matt's outages at work and until my parents return from their yearly trip to Hawaii. So, here is the plan we came up with. I will go on the medication for one more round of 28 days, then following the 14 days off, I will have surgery (on Monday, March 16th at 7:30am) to remove the mass and my right adrenal gland. (There was a little confusion as to whether I still have my other adrenal gland. Matt and I thought it was removed with the kidney and tumor, but the pathology report does not specifically mention it, so they will be calling 'Peter' (Garbeff) to check, as with the removal of the second adrenal gland, I will need to immediately go on steriods for adrenal gland replacement therapy, something I will need to take everyday for the rest of my life.) The surgeon felt that, barring something showing up on the radiologist's report that is unexpected, he should be able to remove the gland and the mass laprosopically with four small holes. Wow! While he is in there, he will also try to get a look at that suspicious lymph gland, and should it need removal, he would make a small incision straight down from my current scar and remove it and any others he deems necessary. So overall, my recovery with this surgery should be shorter and a little easier, making it possible for me to return to work before the end of the year.
After the surgery, I would need to go back on the medication for two more rounds, then have the scans again, and should the results show no more growths or suspicious areas, I would be able to try going off of the meds, which is our ultimate goal. I'm not looking forward to further experiences with the Sutent as it was harder on my body this past round, and will cumulatively get that way with each successive round. Dr. Ryan did ask how I was doing and what the side effects were that I experienced, and then was able to give me some information that will help me in the future, as well as his nurse's number, as the nurse, Jay, knows all about Sutent and its side effects, and has many helps that he can offer me. In Dr. Ryan's words, I should call instead of 'suffering at home alone.' Some of the things sound funky, but make a lot of sense. For instance, one of the side effects is Hand and Foot Disease, which I had, that begins with your hands and bottoms of feet turning red and painful, preceding peeling and blistering. Heat hurts the hands, and it becomes painful to grasp things, and the feet feel hot and painful to walk on. According to the good doctor, what is happening is that the medication is sweating out through the hands and feet. So one suggestion that has worked for many is to put deoderant on the bottoms of the feet! Jay also has some 'cocktail' concoction that should help the tightness and dryness in my throat that made swallowing so painful towards the end. All of the side effects, and many ways to try to combat them, were on a handout that he gave me, which I wish I would have had before as it basically listed every single one of them I have experienced. No more guessing if things are just me or are side effects. And yes, changing of hair color is one of them, as is evidenced by the increasing white at my roots. So is bloating, which I just experienced this week when my hands and face became swollen, and those new jeans I so enjoyed buying in that new smaller size suddenly were a little too tight. (Okay, so that was a little personal, but is the way it is!)
Right now, I have been off of the meds for a week, and my tongue just quit its burning, so my family will enjoy my cooking with spice and texture for the next week before I start the next cycle. I am slowly feeling better in other ways, like less pain when I walk, and bending over without the pulling from the bottom of my scar (which is attacked each time because the meds attack the newest cells, and my scar had not completely healed at the bottom before I started the first round of Sutent, so it gets scabby and very sore each time I am on the meds. Argh!) I am enjoying my class at school, and getting back into the routine of teaching and being with the kids. It was hard to share with them this morning that I will be going back on the medication, then having another surgery, then on the meds again. They were hoping that the cancer would be gone, and that we would have reason for a party. I assured them that although the time is not yet here, there will be a time we will throw a pary, and they will certainly be invited!
A friend of mine named Ashley shared with me something that I go back to frequently. Often cancer is referred to as the 'big C'. Well, my friends, it can only be a 'little c' to those of us who walk with Christ, as He is our 'Big C'. That certainly puts this journey in perspective. I want to stand on the promises that the Big C brings to my life, rather than letting the little c take over.
Thank you for all of your prayers, hugs, phone calls, and caring words for me and for my family. I am blessed by each of you and cherish the fact that there are so many of you. Please continue.
Danene
January 23, 2009
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Back to Work
Hi, Friends,
This past Monday saw me back at work as a teacher in my second grade classroom. The kids greeted me with big hugs and warm hearts. My job-share partner and my long-term sub have done a wonderful job with this class, as they showed me through their behavior and learning throughout the day.
It was hard to go back in the sense that I would love to be a stay-at-home mom, but everything went well and I was able to step right back in and pick up most of what I needed to do. There are some things that are new to this year that will take me awhile to adjust to and learn.
I felt good at the end of the day, and actually didn't feel the effects of a full day on my feet until it was time to climb the stairs to our bedroom. Then the spots on my feet felt swollen and burning, and my throat was tight and hot. These are both side effects of the medication that I have felt before and expected. So far, in addition to those side effects, I just started getting the burning on my tongue that keeps me from eating citrus and spicy or acidic foods. I also found out, when I got my hair cut yesterday, that my hair is growing out white from the roots. So...this is not necessarily an effect I want to happen! (Although I'll take that over losing my hair.)
I have eight days left on this second round of medication. Then, on January 22nd, Matt and I will return to UCSF, where I will have chest, abdominal, and pelvic CAT scans, then later that morning meet with the urologic oncologist for the results of the scans as well as those from the presentation to the Tumor Board, then a surgeon to get his opinion on whether or not he thinks the mass still on my right side should be removed. Overall, we are anxious to have these meetings to know if the medication has worked, and what the immediate future will look like for me.
I've had so many people comment on my attitude throughout this whole experience. I want to share with you something that I read in my devotional book, Praying Through Cancer, that so perfectly put into words how I feel. Susan Eggerich (from Love & Respect Ministries) said, "I I knew it was God's will that I give thanks in all things, but this didn't feel like something for which to be thankful. That's when I learned about a sacrifice of praise. Each time I offered a sacrifice of praise, I knew I was honoring God, even though my circumstances did not always change. This isn't about feelings but about obedience." This is my goal, to have my feelings catch up with my obedience, so that my heart truly honors God, even when I don't know how all of this will end up. Once again, it's all about trust.
Thanks for your continued prayers, Danene
January 7, 2009
This past Monday saw me back at work as a teacher in my second grade classroom. The kids greeted me with big hugs and warm hearts. My job-share partner and my long-term sub have done a wonderful job with this class, as they showed me through their behavior and learning throughout the day.
It was hard to go back in the sense that I would love to be a stay-at-home mom, but everything went well and I was able to step right back in and pick up most of what I needed to do. There are some things that are new to this year that will take me awhile to adjust to and learn.
I felt good at the end of the day, and actually didn't feel the effects of a full day on my feet until it was time to climb the stairs to our bedroom. Then the spots on my feet felt swollen and burning, and my throat was tight and hot. These are both side effects of the medication that I have felt before and expected. So far, in addition to those side effects, I just started getting the burning on my tongue that keeps me from eating citrus and spicy or acidic foods. I also found out, when I got my hair cut yesterday, that my hair is growing out white from the roots. So...this is not necessarily an effect I want to happen! (Although I'll take that over losing my hair.)
I have eight days left on this second round of medication. Then, on January 22nd, Matt and I will return to UCSF, where I will have chest, abdominal, and pelvic CAT scans, then later that morning meet with the urologic oncologist for the results of the scans as well as those from the presentation to the Tumor Board, then a surgeon to get his opinion on whether or not he thinks the mass still on my right side should be removed. Overall, we are anxious to have these meetings to know if the medication has worked, and what the immediate future will look like for me.
I've had so many people comment on my attitude throughout this whole experience. I want to share with you something that I read in my devotional book, Praying Through Cancer, that so perfectly put into words how I feel. Susan Eggerich (from Love & Respect Ministries) said, "I I knew it was God's will that I give thanks in all things, but this didn't feel like something for which to be thankful. That's when I learned about a sacrifice of praise. Each time I offered a sacrifice of praise, I knew I was honoring God, even though my circumstances did not always change. This isn't about feelings but about obedience." This is my goal, to have my feelings catch up with my obedience, so that my heart truly honors God, even when I don't know how all of this will end up. Once again, it's all about trust.
Thanks for your continued prayers, Danene
January 7, 2009
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Our Visit to UCSF
Hello, Friends! Merry Christmas to all!
I had a great two weeks off of medication, feeling like I fully recovered. I visited the podiatrist and he shaved off some of the extra skin that was giving me fits on the bottoms of my feet, cleaning up some of the hard, core areas, in hopes that I will not have such pain on the next round of meds. He advised wearing or buying shoes with a better arch support, to take the pressure off of those areas. I also enjoyed a bit of pampering from a friend in the form of a pedicure.
I started the second round of medication last Friday and am doing well so far. If the side effects are no worse than last time, I will do just fine. The only thing I notice right now is that the pads of my fingers feel just a little bit numb.
Matt and I visited UCSF yesterday afternoon and met with a Urologic Oncologist by the name of Dr. Charles Ryan and a 'fellow', whose name eludes me, who is training with him. They asked a lot of clarifying questions after reviewing my files, and looked at the scans I had brought for them. Then they both came back and shared with us what their thoughts were. To begin with, the fact that I am only 45 (yes, 'only'!), and was in good health before all of this is a really good thing. The other good thing is that the cancer that was removed was considered 'garden variety' and mine, though large, did not seem to go anywhere else and affect any other areas of my body. I'm sure many of you are asking, "Well, what about the spots in your lungs?" Well, the good doctor shared that generally speaking, anything that is less than a half-centimeter is difficult to even test to prove if it is cancerous. So while he is not discounting that they could be, it is not at the top of his list as far as concerns. (They can also be something that stems from living in the valley, which is not uncommon.) Of more concern is the mass that remains near my right kidney. While that also has not proved to be cancerous, the fact that it is there and not doing anything is not necessarily a good thing. Dr. Ryan has asked to present my case to the Tumor Board at UCSF to see what they think of the tumor and what a plan of attack might be. He will also be talking to a surgeon about the possibility of removing it. The surgeon will be looking at what would need to be removed along with it, the possibilities being my remaining adrenal gland, and depending on how it is attached, a portion of my kidney or of my liver. Those are unknowns for now, and more may show up on the next scans.
So...to begin with, I will finish this round of the Sutent. During the two weeks I am off of it, I will go to UCSF for a blood test and scans of my chest, abdomen and pelvis, then meet with Dr. Ryan and hopefully the surgeon to get the results of the scans and from the Tumor Board and the surgeon. The rest depends upon those conversations.
Matt and I felt good when we left UCSF, in that everything that was discussed made sense, and overall there are many good options ahead for me. As we all know, there is no cure for cancer, and in kidney cancer, there is only 15-20% chance of response to treatment, and 5% chance of complete recovery. However, I know Someone who can take it all away, should He choose, and I am standing in the knowledge that that is always a possibility. Please believe with me.
As we enter the last days before Christmas, I want to leave you with something I read in a wonderful book. It is a poem titled "Let the Stable Still Astonish", by Leslie Leyland Fields.
"Let the stable still astonish;
Straw--dirt floor, dull eyes,
Dusty flanks of donkeys, oxen;
Crumbling, crooked walls;
No bed to carry that pain,
And then, the child,
Rag-wrapped, laid to cry
In a trough.
Who would have chosen this?"
"Who would have said" 'Yes.
Let the God of all the heavens
And earth
Be born here, in this place'?
Who but the same God
Who stands in the darker, fouler rooms
of our hearts
and says, 'Yes.
Let the God of Heaven and Earth
be born here-
in this place.'"
If you know our Savior, you understand. If you don't, please let Him into your heart. He's listening for your knock. He came to earth just for you.
Merry Christmas, Danene
December 23, 2008
I had a great two weeks off of medication, feeling like I fully recovered. I visited the podiatrist and he shaved off some of the extra skin that was giving me fits on the bottoms of my feet, cleaning up some of the hard, core areas, in hopes that I will not have such pain on the next round of meds. He advised wearing or buying shoes with a better arch support, to take the pressure off of those areas. I also enjoyed a bit of pampering from a friend in the form of a pedicure.
I started the second round of medication last Friday and am doing well so far. If the side effects are no worse than last time, I will do just fine. The only thing I notice right now is that the pads of my fingers feel just a little bit numb.
Matt and I visited UCSF yesterday afternoon and met with a Urologic Oncologist by the name of Dr. Charles Ryan and a 'fellow', whose name eludes me, who is training with him. They asked a lot of clarifying questions after reviewing my files, and looked at the scans I had brought for them. Then they both came back and shared with us what their thoughts were. To begin with, the fact that I am only 45 (yes, 'only'!), and was in good health before all of this is a really good thing. The other good thing is that the cancer that was removed was considered 'garden variety' and mine, though large, did not seem to go anywhere else and affect any other areas of my body. I'm sure many of you are asking, "Well, what about the spots in your lungs?" Well, the good doctor shared that generally speaking, anything that is less than a half-centimeter is difficult to even test to prove if it is cancerous. So while he is not discounting that they could be, it is not at the top of his list as far as concerns. (They can also be something that stems from living in the valley, which is not uncommon.) Of more concern is the mass that remains near my right kidney. While that also has not proved to be cancerous, the fact that it is there and not doing anything is not necessarily a good thing. Dr. Ryan has asked to present my case to the Tumor Board at UCSF to see what they think of the tumor and what a plan of attack might be. He will also be talking to a surgeon about the possibility of removing it. The surgeon will be looking at what would need to be removed along with it, the possibilities being my remaining adrenal gland, and depending on how it is attached, a portion of my kidney or of my liver. Those are unknowns for now, and more may show up on the next scans.
So...to begin with, I will finish this round of the Sutent. During the two weeks I am off of it, I will go to UCSF for a blood test and scans of my chest, abdomen and pelvis, then meet with Dr. Ryan and hopefully the surgeon to get the results of the scans and from the Tumor Board and the surgeon. The rest depends upon those conversations.
Matt and I felt good when we left UCSF, in that everything that was discussed made sense, and overall there are many good options ahead for me. As we all know, there is no cure for cancer, and in kidney cancer, there is only 15-20% chance of response to treatment, and 5% chance of complete recovery. However, I know Someone who can take it all away, should He choose, and I am standing in the knowledge that that is always a possibility. Please believe with me.
As we enter the last days before Christmas, I want to leave you with something I read in a wonderful book. It is a poem titled "Let the Stable Still Astonish", by Leslie Leyland Fields.
"Let the stable still astonish;
Straw--dirt floor, dull eyes,
Dusty flanks of donkeys, oxen;
Crumbling, crooked walls;
No bed to carry that pain,
And then, the child,
Rag-wrapped, laid to cry
In a trough.
Who would have chosen this?"
"Who would have said" 'Yes.
Let the God of all the heavens
And earth
Be born here, in this place'?
Who but the same God
Who stands in the darker, fouler rooms
of our hearts
and says, 'Yes.
Let the God of Heaven and Earth
be born here-
in this place.'"
If you know our Savior, you understand. If you don't, please let Him into your heart. He's listening for your knock. He came to earth just for you.
Merry Christmas, Danene
December 23, 2008
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Round One is Over!
Hello, Friends,
Last Thursday night was my last night of taking the first round of Sutent. I am on a 14 day break now! It's amazing how good that feels mentally and physically. I've slowly seen the side effects go away-no more hot, hard spots of pain on the balls of my feet, the sores in my mouth and throat are gone, my blood pressure is back to a more normal rate, and every little scratch or sore on my hands is not bright red. I also have a lot more energy first thing in the morning and throughout the day. The only thing I am still feeling is the sensitivity on the surface of my tongue.
I saw my family doctor today, as I have a cold and the impulse now and then to cough (so will use the inhaler as needed), and he reviewed the blood test I had last week. Everything is back within normal ranges excepting my platelets which are slightly low. He was pleased with how healthy I look.
I will start the next round of Sutent on the 19th, for 28 days, then have a CT scan following that to see if there is any improvement on the spots in my lungs. (Matt and I will also go to UCSF on the 22nd to meet with a specialist in the Urologic Oncology Dept.) One of the hardest things, I'm sure for any person in my situation, is taking this medication knowing what it might do to me physically, but not knowing if it will do what we ultimately are praying for. Just one more instance of trust.
I know it is past Thanksgiving, but I was asked to share what I am thankful for at our church's Thanksgiving morning service, and I wanted to leave you with what I shared. I've thanked all of you for consistent and fervent prayers, told you about my nurses and doctors, and now need to share about my family. Words cannot completely suffice, but this is what came from my heart that morning:
I’ve always had what I consider a blessed life, but when cancer became a part of my life I decided it was time to count those blessings.
I am blessed to be married to a man who has stuck with me for 21 years through the good, the not-so-good, and the unknown, who tells me daily that he loves me-and means it, and who loves Jesus as much as I do.
I am blessed with three children that touch my heart daily, that have helped me grow into the mom I am, and who I hope know that as much as I love them, Jesus loves them even more.
I am blessed with a mom and a dad who show me in so many ways the depth of their love for me, who have always lived in a way that honors their Lord, who love my family, and who have created a place where our family looks forward to gathering.
I am blessed with a mother and father-in-law who have shown me through the years that they love me as their daughter.
I am blessed with two brothers and their families who I really like being with, who I deeply respect and admire, and who have always, but especially of late, considered it a privilege to pray for me.
I am blessed with friends-new and old-who call, write, email, and stop by to check on me, to encourage me, and to pray for whatever the need might be for that day.
But I am most blessed that Jesus loved me so much that He went to the cross instead of me; that He not only died for my sins, but that He crushed evil on that cross so that I could be assured that while a thing like kidney cancer might be a part of my life, it will never have power over it; and most of all that I have hope for the future that can only come through my relationship with Him.
I am, among all people, most blessed.
Love to all of you, Danene
December 10, 2008
Last Thursday night was my last night of taking the first round of Sutent. I am on a 14 day break now! It's amazing how good that feels mentally and physically. I've slowly seen the side effects go away-no more hot, hard spots of pain on the balls of my feet, the sores in my mouth and throat are gone, my blood pressure is back to a more normal rate, and every little scratch or sore on my hands is not bright red. I also have a lot more energy first thing in the morning and throughout the day. The only thing I am still feeling is the sensitivity on the surface of my tongue.
I saw my family doctor today, as I have a cold and the impulse now and then to cough (so will use the inhaler as needed), and he reviewed the blood test I had last week. Everything is back within normal ranges excepting my platelets which are slightly low. He was pleased with how healthy I look.
I will start the next round of Sutent on the 19th, for 28 days, then have a CT scan following that to see if there is any improvement on the spots in my lungs. (Matt and I will also go to UCSF on the 22nd to meet with a specialist in the Urologic Oncology Dept.) One of the hardest things, I'm sure for any person in my situation, is taking this medication knowing what it might do to me physically, but not knowing if it will do what we ultimately are praying for. Just one more instance of trust.
I know it is past Thanksgiving, but I was asked to share what I am thankful for at our church's Thanksgiving morning service, and I wanted to leave you with what I shared. I've thanked all of you for consistent and fervent prayers, told you about my nurses and doctors, and now need to share about my family. Words cannot completely suffice, but this is what came from my heart that morning:
I’ve always had what I consider a blessed life, but when cancer became a part of my life I decided it was time to count those blessings.
I am blessed to be married to a man who has stuck with me for 21 years through the good, the not-so-good, and the unknown, who tells me daily that he loves me-and means it, and who loves Jesus as much as I do.
I am blessed with three children that touch my heart daily, that have helped me grow into the mom I am, and who I hope know that as much as I love them, Jesus loves them even more.
I am blessed with a mom and a dad who show me in so many ways the depth of their love for me, who have always lived in a way that honors their Lord, who love my family, and who have created a place where our family looks forward to gathering.
I am blessed with a mother and father-in-law who have shown me through the years that they love me as their daughter.
I am blessed with two brothers and their families who I really like being with, who I deeply respect and admire, and who have always, but especially of late, considered it a privilege to pray for me.
I am blessed with friends-new and old-who call, write, email, and stop by to check on me, to encourage me, and to pray for whatever the need might be for that day.
But I am most blessed that Jesus loved me so much that He went to the cross instead of me; that He not only died for my sins, but that He crushed evil on that cross so that I could be assured that while a thing like kidney cancer might be a part of my life, it will never have power over it; and most of all that I have hope for the future that can only come through my relationship with Him.
I am, among all people, most blessed.
Love to all of you, Danene
December 10, 2008
Monday, November 17, 2008
And So It Begins
Dear Friends,
It has been 9 days since I started taking Sutent, and I am feeling the first of the side effects. The nurse at my oncologist's office said that the side effects will most likely begin to show around the two week mark, so I am just about there. The one I am most aware of at the moment is a sore tongue. It feels as if I burned it drinking something too hot, but it is all over the tongue, especially in the back. It makes it a little uncomfortable when I swallow food, and has the feel of being slightly swollen, but so far is managable. I also have a borderline numbness in my right leg, although the nurse called Pfizer, the maker of this med, and they concurred that this is not a normal side effect, so I will keep an eye on this that it will not get more pronounced. There could still be others, but I ask that you pray with me that they will not be bad, will be managable, or perhaps, our strong God willing, will not show up at all. I take this medication for 28 days, then am off for 14 days. I will repeat this at least for a second round before there is another scan to see if it has worked positively on the nodules in the lungs.
I am always on the lookout for encouraging verses and words, many of which I have received from many of you. This one I found in, of all things, a catalog we got in the mail. I want to share it with you as I thought it was powerful.
Cancer is so limited...
It has been 9 days since I started taking Sutent, and I am feeling the first of the side effects. The nurse at my oncologist's office said that the side effects will most likely begin to show around the two week mark, so I am just about there. The one I am most aware of at the moment is a sore tongue. It feels as if I burned it drinking something too hot, but it is all over the tongue, especially in the back. It makes it a little uncomfortable when I swallow food, and has the feel of being slightly swollen, but so far is managable. I also have a borderline numbness in my right leg, although the nurse called Pfizer, the maker of this med, and they concurred that this is not a normal side effect, so I will keep an eye on this that it will not get more pronounced. There could still be others, but I ask that you pray with me that they will not be bad, will be managable, or perhaps, our strong God willing, will not show up at all. I take this medication for 28 days, then am off for 14 days. I will repeat this at least for a second round before there is another scan to see if it has worked positively on the nodules in the lungs.
I am always on the lookout for encouraging verses and words, many of which I have received from many of you. This one I found in, of all things, a catalog we got in the mail. I want to share it with you as I thought it was powerful.
Cancer is so limited...
- It cannot cripple love
- It cannot shatter hope
- It cannot corrode faith
- It cannot destroy peace
- It cannot kill friendship
- It cannot suppress memories
- It cannot silence courage
- It cannot invade the soul
- It cannot steal eternal life
- It cannot conquer the spirit
I'm standing on faith that cancer is limited, and our God is not.
Thanks for your prayers, Danene (November 17, 2008)
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Starting Meds
Hi, Everyone!
I just wanted to let you know that I have started medication (called Sutent) for the spots found in my lungs. According to the report from the last CT scan, there are four nodules in four different areas of my lungs, all 5mm or less in size. This medication is specifically for my type of cancer and should help shrink those nodules. There are possibly some cumulative side effects, and I would ask you all to pray that either I will not have any (smile) or that they would be ones that I can manage.
We are awaiting a call from UCSF for an appointment with a doctor in their Urologic Oncology Department. My records have all been faxed and have been reviewed by a doctor, so its just a matter of waiting for them to contact me, hopefully this week.
I was reading a book this weekend, and I read a part that I thought was really well said. I want to share it with you as there might be someone you can share this with someday. The lady in the book (this is fictional, so her character) has breast cancer and is struggling. She wonders how a God who loves His children could let cancer come into their lives. Her husband shares this: "What He feels about His children having cancer, He took to the cross. On that cross He rendered evil ineffective. He took it upon Himself, and then He crushed it. Disease, sin, bad things, they haven't ceased to exist, but their power over His children has been broken. Cancer has not been abolished, but it has been overthrown."
I know that I struggle with my cancer spreading, with having to take the medication and what its side effects might be for me, and for what all of this means for my family and friends. It is easy to say that I am standing firm on Jesus through all of this, but it is not always easy to mean it in my heart. But I liked what that passage from the book said, that at the cross, God not only saved my soul, but the evil that He knew someday would infect my life. So even though I doubt and question, I know in my heart of hearts that whatever happens to me, God is there.
Have a good week, my friends, Danene
November 9, 2008
I just wanted to let you know that I have started medication (called Sutent) for the spots found in my lungs. According to the report from the last CT scan, there are four nodules in four different areas of my lungs, all 5mm or less in size. This medication is specifically for my type of cancer and should help shrink those nodules. There are possibly some cumulative side effects, and I would ask you all to pray that either I will not have any (smile) or that they would be ones that I can manage.
We are awaiting a call from UCSF for an appointment with a doctor in their Urologic Oncology Department. My records have all been faxed and have been reviewed by a doctor, so its just a matter of waiting for them to contact me, hopefully this week.
I was reading a book this weekend, and I read a part that I thought was really well said. I want to share it with you as there might be someone you can share this with someday. The lady in the book (this is fictional, so her character) has breast cancer and is struggling. She wonders how a God who loves His children could let cancer come into their lives. Her husband shares this: "What He feels about His children having cancer, He took to the cross. On that cross He rendered evil ineffective. He took it upon Himself, and then He crushed it. Disease, sin, bad things, they haven't ceased to exist, but their power over His children has been broken. Cancer has not been abolished, but it has been overthrown."
I know that I struggle with my cancer spreading, with having to take the medication and what its side effects might be for me, and for what all of this means for my family and friends. It is easy to say that I am standing firm on Jesus through all of this, but it is not always easy to mean it in my heart. But I liked what that passage from the book said, that at the cross, God not only saved my soul, but the evil that He knew someday would infect my life. So even though I doubt and question, I know in my heart of hearts that whatever happens to me, God is there.
Have a good week, my friends, Danene
November 9, 2008
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